Think Once, Think Twice, Think Beth Rountree.

http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi

P.S. This post is dedicated to my soon-to-be-far-away-friend. Just remeber Lauren - email knows no state lines!

These are My Confessions....

Good tidings (and a hearty Sic'EM!) from Baylor Bear country. I'll refrain from telling oh-so-enthralling work stories on here (okay - just one! I saw THE Baylor bear today! How cool is that???) and stick to my true nature: dumb Top Ten Lists and Boyfriendia quips.

My Confessions: (a la Usher)

*I watch Desperate Housewives. Last night I stopped at the very first suitable hotel and booked a room without even asking the rate because it was 7:57PM and I was NOT about to miss my show. Much to my dismay... it's losing its momentum.

*You know those little sandwiches you buy at the gas station? They come in little, plastic triangle boxes? I LOVE THOSE! They are my favorite. Beats *insert your fav sandwich shop* hands down!

*I have been know to confiscate an upscale hotel's shampoo. and conditioner. and notepad. and pen. multiple times.

*When boys fart...oh, excuse me! I mean pass gas... I think it is absolutely hysterical. If you EVER mention this to my boyfriend or brother I will tell them you are lying. If you ever ask me to admit this in public I will deny you any knowledge of this post.

*Sometimes - I don't brush my teeth before going to work in the morning. It makes me gag.

*This weekend, I turned of both of my cell phones. I didn't hardly sleep a wink for fear that someone "might need me". Riiiiiiiiiiight. Because any one person (this includes you) makes that much of a difference. My mother tricked me into believing that one.

*I'd like everyone to believe that I, indeed, am the Real, Live Ms. Rusk County - but in all honesty it's just a facade. I mispronounced "Yom Kippur" just yesterday, had never even been into a Williams-Sonoma store until just two months ago and I'm in desperate need of... ahem.... new unmentionables.

There... I ended on quite a risque note. That'll keep ya coming back for more won't it?

Random Thoughts...

-I have a HUGE HUGE beef will Dillard's online Wedding Registry. (yes - I just heard the gasp you took... NO, it's not for me, thank you very much!) Why, you ask, do I abhor Dillard's online registry? Here's my current predicament:

Half of the world (seriously -it really is half, I've done the research!) is getting married on my birthday. It's not like it isn't bad enough that everyone else except me will be having relations on MY birthday - but I have to GIVE gifts on my birthday. ::sigh:: The gift giving part isn't so bad because I get to shop! :-) We like that part!

BUT - I like to see what I'm purchasing. When I click on "14K Gold Salad Tongs encrusted with Rare African Diamonds $1,000,000" I like to see the tongs in question. Nope. Dillard's has a picture of a set of serving pieces. This is usually okay - but sometimes I don't know what exactly "Sugar W/LT" is!!! So - I click the picture and up pops a picture of a gravy boat, dinner plate, saucer, bowl and three other random serving pieces. Which stinking one is the "Sugar W/LT"??? That's what's in my price range!!! Is it the kidney shapey super-expensive looking bowl? Or the teeny-tiny shrimpy looking colander type thing? Dang you Dillards! Get with the program. Quit being some frumpy old lady store with NO world wide web presence.

*deep breath* Thanks - I feel better now. And if you're curious as to what registry brought this on - check it out and buy them presents! http://www.dillards.com/wishlist/WLMasterServlet?rType=01&intent=ITEMS&rNum=118346709&orderBy=C

I'm just too young to feel this old!

As I reflected on the week I realized that I've probably done more "grown up" things in the past week than ever before. Maybe I've been doing them all along and haven't noticed... but I did this week.

I was moved into a bigger, nicer (in some aspects) office. At first I was completely anti - ut now the perks have set in!! Wow! That window just screams R-E-S-P-E-C-T! And the remote control fan?!?!?! Yeah... I saw you lusting after it...

Someone even called me his "boss" today... this could really go to my head if I'm not careful!! Last weekend was really when it all started. Every great while.. I stop and look around. I'm A BIG WIG! Okay - not really, but I do have that remote control fan...

Oh, Lord it's hard to be huuuuuuuumble....

when you're perfect in ev-er-y waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I hadn't heard that song until recently. It's abosolutely hysterical and I'm using it to entertain myself as I waste away in front of the dismal abyss (know as my computer) at work everyday. Who - may I ask - mandated that summer va-cay be available only to the young and school-aged?

I've discovered an EVIL process that the world has sold us on: the older we get the more "fun" we're entitled to. Oh, no no no cruel world. I'm on to you! You're doing it all backwards!!!! I think things should get EASIER as we get older. Theoretically, it should work. It's HARD learning to walk, write your name, shovel spoonfulls of peas into one's own mouth. It's TOUGH being the dorky one in high school with braces and no boyfriend and driving a '77 Chevrolet Nova on which the passenger doors don't open. It's BRUTAL to be in college and STILL HAVE BRACES (but have acquired the boyfriend), not realize that REEF brand flip-flops are the "cool" ones and that you MUST learn to drink coffee. So - you'd think after all this that the world would let up, right?

Oh-uh. THEN comes the 8-5 job with the 10 hour a week gym job (that's only necessary because you sit in an office chair -or dental stool- that causes your butt to swell to the size of a small African country).

Anyway - that's enough ranting on THAT subject. Chronicles of Boyfriendia Season Deux should be starting up soon. It's been an exciting year... stay tuned!

My pants are out of the closet!

After a much needed blogging hiatus (I'd like to blame writer's block - but it's really just laziness) I was compelled to write about something near and dear to my heart: my strong aversion to a specific summer wardrobe piece, most commonly known as caprisius pantalones (capri pants).

First - I feel that I must apologize. This feels oddly like a "coming of out the closet" (pardon the pun!) moment for me. No one knows this dirty little secret I've been hiding for summers of yore. I feel like a married man who's suddenly decided to to tell the world that he's ::gasp:: homosexual. However a distasteful correlation that may be... it's still relevant, so pardon.

Second - We must define what, exactly, capris are and their alias'. Capris are the brain child of a jeans father and a shorts mother. (remember skorts? The cross between a skirt and a short? Yeah... we'll take those on another day.) When a pair of Levi's falls in love with Daisy Dukes.... you get capris! Capris also have evolutionary tendencies/alias': clam diggers, hot pants, pedal pushers and such.

For the longest time I thought I was the only one. I even masqueraded as a capri lover by purchasing and WEARING capris. But - come to find out Liz Khalil agrees with me! She, too despises capris.

Ladies - I really think that I could maybe come to grips with the actual wearing of capris IF they weren't dishonored almost everytime time I see them. (For CLASSIC capri misusage I suggested setting up shop outside a Super 1 or Albertson's for a good 30 minutes and then you'll understand my angst).

BUT - girls, there is hope. Gauchos are our attempt at squashing out tacky capris and their attempt to take over summer! Girls - do not be misled by the -8 size wearing 16 year olds in capris. WE do not look like that. THEY aren't real. Those girls don't exist!! They're figment of the marketing world's imagination. So - ladies I propose that we all bust out our gauchos and bust a move. Plus - they're a TON easier to breathe in!

VIVA LA GAUCHO PANTS!

A Haiku for Michigan

Plane delays and baggage lost
Summer camp hook-ups
and mom said being a grown up was fun.

you know it's summer when... 

Eek -- it's wedding season again! According to industry research, there are approximately 2.4 million weddings each year, and 82% occur between May and October. When you're single, you know what that means: a never-ending siege of nuptial nonsense that you are required to:
1. Attend (on your own).
2. Buy a dress for (on your own).
3. Buy an expensive gift for (on your own).
4. Navigate toasts, intrusive questioning by well-meaning relatives and friends, and bouquet-tossing silliness -- on your own.

In short, wedding season is as taxing as it gets. To ensure that you make it through this season in one piece, I've come up with the Single Woman's Wedding Survival Guide. Don't go to a ceremony without it.

Part 1: Supplies
Normally you wouldn't need to carry much more than lipstick and car keys in your bag, but come wedding time, be prepared like a good scout. Tote along:
--Advil
--Tissues
--A cell phone (so you can call friends for moral support)
--Business cards (in case you meet someone cute)
--A spare pair of comfy shoes (so you can kick up your heels and get funky)
--A good excuse to leave early
--A list of fun things to do afterward (rent "Pirates of the Caribbean," enjoy a bubble bath, take Schedule 1 drugs)

Part 2: Appearance
I hardly need to remind you that looking good is no substitute for feeling good -- but looking fabulous will compensate quite nicely. So pay extra attention to your hair, nails, etc. And if you have to choose between buying a ho-hum frock that seems sensible because you'll wear it again and a stunner you may wear only three more times in your life, spring for the dress that will make people swear they saw you in the pages of InStyle magazine.

Part 3: Handy phrases
Nothing is worse than waking up at 3 a.m. after the wedding and thinking of all the things you should have said to those "well-meaning" friends and relatives who "unconsciously" say things that make you want to kill them. Here are a few excellent responses to have in your pocket:
When they ask whether you're seeing anyone yet (they always have to throw in the yet, don't they?), you can say:

"I was dating a shipping magnate from Cyprus, but he hated the fact that my Norwegian lover, Lars, was so possessive. So, theoretically, I'm single. You?"

Or:"Oh, let's not talk about me. Aunt Ellen was just telling me that you suffer from hemorrhoids."

Or:"You know, I've decided to quit dating. It's completely unrewarding, and where does it all end? Here, in a dreary reception room with all your relatives getting drunk."

When they comment on how happy the bride is and how lucky she is and that her sister is pregnant, you can say:
"God bless -- they do make a perfect match! Now what about you? I hear from Aunt Ellen that you've got shingles."

Or:"Her sister is pregnant? That's so wonderful. I just couldn't bear being saddled with a kid right now, not when Lars, my Norwegian lover, is so passionate about our time together. He's planning to take me abroad for a year."

Part 4: Proper behavior
Wedding etiquette is slightly different for us single gals. A few tips:
1. Cry your eyes out. If bitter melancholy overwhelms you as your friend/cousin/sister walks down the aisle, let the tears flow as you murmur, "Isn't she beautiful?" Sob. Repeat at the reception as needed.
2. Drink lightly. Nothing is more depressing than a drunk single woman. Besides, you need to be able to fend off the bride's Uncle Vic.
3. Rock on. Most weddings have an open dance floor, so there's no need to wait for anyone to ask you to dance. Grab a friend and boogie. Dancing lets off steam and brings an attractive glow to your complexion.
4. Flirt. They say that a wedding is a great place to meet someone. I think this is a lie manufactured by the wedding industry to keep singles from boycotting these events. But if there is a cute guy, chat him up. So what if he's 16?
5. Don't be alone. Single or married, there are plenty of folks who find weddings as uncomfortable as you do, for whatever reason. Find 'em.
Part 5: Your private mantrasIf you accidentally stumble onto the trapdoor that sends you spiraling down into how depressing it all is and how alone you feel, step outside, clear your head and repeat after me:
"This is only a few hours out of my life."
"I'm gorgeous."
"Married people aren't happier; they're just married."
"She has to have sex with him forever, while my options are still open."
Now dig up that good excuse to leave early (see Part 1: Supplies) and get outta there! Wedding season is like the NBA play-offs: You need time to recharge between games.

Your always seventeen in your hometown...

Funny how that works. I've had the priviledge (and it truly is a priviledge to ever see the inner workings of Paradise - aka Henderson, Texas) to spend some time at home. Now - "home" is actually a sub-suburb of Henderson, Texas (pop. 12,000). Work with me here, okay? You've got Henderson which is where everyone grocery shops, tans, and gets their eyes checked. Then, you've got Laneville (pop. 500'ish) which is much smaller and has the all important social venues of every small town: a post office and a feed store. Then you've got Bethel (pop.50 on a good day - when my brother, sister and I are all home!). You've got a cemetary and a Methodist church. Now, I don't have anything against the Methodists... but I do wish the Baptists would've moved a little quicker. Regardless - I make my home in Bethel. (Keep in mind that home in this context means "where your heart is" not "where you lay your head".)

So... to make sense of this post's title I have a little story to tell you. It seems funny to me how every small town idolizes their high school students. Or - in my case, high school aged students. (I never attended the local high school.) I'm in a wedding in June that has mandated most of these trips home. Dress fittings... addressing invitations... yada yada yada. So, at the most recent dress fitting the following dialogue takes place:

me: "Hi, Mrs. So-and-So... how are you?"
Mrs. So-and-So: "good... good... you look like you've lost weight!"

*I chuckle because I know that this isn't true. It's the standard greeting to all single women. Instead of the Married Woman "how's John & the kids?" comment - single women, it's assumed, work out constantly so that they may some day posses "John and the kids".

me: "oh... thanks! I've cut out Cokes - and you know it's worked wonders!"
*Notice very fake words like "wonders" thrown in! I'm such a genious!!!

Mrs. So-and-So: "You won't believe who was just in! You'll just never guess...."
me: "who?"
Mrs. So-and-So: "Well, Mr. Big came by the other day and had his trousers mended! I can't believe that you guys are almost 24! Oh my laaaaaaaaands.
*she really does say laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaands. Just like I spelled it too.

me: "Really?"
Mrs. So-and-So: "Yep, yep. When did you go and get so old on me? I keep thinking you're seventeen. I mean - look at you all grown up. A job - a car - a husband. Oh - you aren't married yet. Nevermind about that part."


Anyway - she went on and on and on and on about me, Mr. Big, The-Bride-Who's-Bridesmaids-Dress-I-Was-Getting-Fitted-For and Mr. Big's Friends ('cause I had the lowdown on all of them like any small town girl should). So... guys & gals - I think we'll always be little guys in someone's eyes.

Who needs pictures..... anyway....?

::cue Beth ascending to her soapbox throne::

I tried to get the country song "Who Needs Pictures" to play in the background - but you'll just have to hum it to yourself, for effect, instead. It really would have made the perfect backdrop for the title of this post - and whether you realize it (or more like get it....) the title to each post isn't just random.

Anyway - it all starts off with me wanting a camera. I was thinking about graduation and how the last of my friends at LETU are graduating. I wanted to take pictures and didn't want to look like a loser with one of those disposable cameras that have the retarded reaaaaa-reaaaaa-reaaaa noise when you wind them. That then led me to argue with myself the pros and cons of a "regular" film camera versus a digital. I like the fact that you can have tangible pictures with a regular camera. While you can possess tangible prints with a digital - you'll probably have to do it yourself. That would mean a printer... software... lots of ink... the grocery list could go on for miles. I'm all about outsourcing! Why do it myself when I can pay someone else to? Buy the film, use the film, take the film to Wal-Mart/Walgreens. Bam! Pictures in as little as an hour. And pretty much painless on my part, right?

THEN... I started thinking about what I'd do with all these pictures. There's no way to even display all the pictures I possess now - much less ones I'll add to my collection. So why do we even take pictures to begin with? I've never quite understood why a picture doesn't truly capture the moment. Kodak claims they are able... but they haven't come through for me yet. When I look back at pictures I think, "hummm..... I really don't remember it quite like it was captured... I remember it as being different, better."

So should I keep taking pictures? My mind captures things much better, but others can't see into my mind (praise the Lord! I would've been ex-communicated from the Southern Baptist Convention otherwise!) and so I can't share with them my pictures! It really is quite a predicament wouldn't you say? Well, folks... as usual - keep me posted on what you think.

And Ms. Sister-of-My-Roommate's-Boyfriend, pray tell, I would imagine you are playing quite the role of shutterfly in Londontown...

Sweet 16...

So it's been sixteen days since my last post. ::sigh:: I swore to myself that I wouldn't become a "fairweather poster" - meaning that I would fight to the death in blog land. I'd post when no one else posted, comment even though I never receive comments and continue this beautiful thing we call... well, blogging. To my disdain - I've really stunk at it. But here I am again--- tryin' to revive it.

As for funny stories... I dropped some things off at the drycleaner's on Mobberly oh, say... FOUR MONTHS AGO. It had been so long that I was embarrassed to even go by and see if it was still there. But... I pulled my bootstraps up, drove up, smiled coquetishly, flashed a twenty and BAM! My dry cleaning appeared. The guy at the counter and I had a good laugh. I should really take better care of things.

I remember runnin' through the wet grass...

Wow. So - I really should update more than just once a week! (..and a hearty "Hear! Hear!" is heard from the crowd...)

Where to begin? Oh, let's see - I usually post about my obscenely funny - yet not - love life. So, most of you know about my little experiment with eHarmony. About a year ago - a friend and I decided that we'd post a mutual friend on this "Christian" dating site. Well, it was impossible because of a HUMONGOUS five hundred question "personality profile" - so as usual - who gets nominated to be the guinea pig? Yep - yours truly. Now - REMEMBER THE GUINEA PIG, it'll be important later on! :-)

So....... I met Mr. eHarmony (see Lawyer/City Boy) and the rest is history, right? Oh... no no no. Not if you're kickin' it with me - it's not. I have a knack, for...well.... how do you say... spice? Yeah - so I'm looking for his law firm's website and I Google his name to get there quicker and the son-of-a-gun is ENGAGED! Yikes-o-bee! Hysterical. Then, I get really scared because what if that WAS ME? Scary, huh?

So - REMEMBER THE GUINEA PIG? Yes, it's important now because I had a wonderful visit to the porno store this weekend. What? You say... you don't visit the porn store every Saturday afternoon for kicks? And why not I ask? Ok - the guinea pig part ties in here...

Once again - I'm in on hostessing a shower for a friend. Being the practical jokester that I am (it's inherited - I claim no responsibility for the actions that directly result from the genes I had no say in receiving) I decide that we need - practical joke things. I call a friend who's equally demented and ask if she would know the location of a questionable establishment that I could enter and not feel as if I had lost my religion. She gives me two options and off I go with my wingman (should I say wingwoman? or wingperson? Please comment and let me know as there is an ongoing discussion at The House of Redmon as to what is proper these days...) in tow. Now, usually I think the title guinea pig would be bestowed upon her - but not this time. We can't find Said Establishment #1 so we go with Less Desirable Said Establishment #2. Not good. Not good at all. Let's just say.... not only did I bathe in Purell I drank it too. All of this has happened over and above WORK and before I roll over, get tangled in the mosquito-web thing (cause I sooooooooo live in Africa and need one!) above my bed, and it promptly ensnares me for the greater part of Sunday morning. Yes, folks - I'm certifiably crazy.

So - pour you a glass of milk folks, it's gonna be a good one!

Meaning

Hail to the light that my baby watches me
In the darkness of the window
I can hardly get to sleep
Wish for the hour that
The nighttime soon shall pass
And the morning dew will bring us
To a day our souls can last
Love has a reason
There's a meaning to the world
We're giving love
Situation candlelight
Enough to see the bits around you
But it's never very bright
Stare at a memory
You, through the grapevine, heard the truth
It's good to learn from your mistakes
But that only works in youth
Love has a reason
There's a meaning to the world
We're giving love
Restless minds; curtain calls follow fanfares
Troubled hearts; just a walk down the hall
Restless hearts; you take a punch just to land one
Troubled minds; it's only fair after all
Mountin, the trail, but you've got it in sight
Sometimes the only way is jumping
I hope you're not afraid of heights
Reach in my pocket for a bill that isn't there
And to face all of the undoings
Still isn't more than I can bear
Love has a reason
There's a meaning to the world
We're giving love
Giving love
Love, love
It's all been good to me
Love has reason
There's a meaning to the world
We're giving love

It's all about ME!

TEN Random Things About Me:
1o) I organize dirty dishes in the sink.
o9) I wear contacts.
o8) I was Vice President of my 3rd grade class.
o7) When I was in the 3rd grade (it was a big year!) and was co-lead in the school play, I fainted and fell on the 2nd graders in front of me.
o6) My sister and I are nothing alike... and have a TON in common
o5) Even though I'm 23, I still have bad dreams
o4) If Dr. Pepper and sweet tea were to cease to exist - I would as well
o3) I don't feel like I'm old enough to be 23...
o2) I can build a campfire better than any boy I've ever dated... (that should say something about they guys I've dated!)
o1) I'm allergic to grape juice

NINE Places I've Visited: (in no particular order)
o9) Belize
o8) Key West, FL
o7) Washington DC
o6) Puerto Vallarta, Jalisco, Mexico
5) Los Angeles, CA
o4) San Diego, CA
o3) Mexia, TX
o2) NYC
o1) Niagra Falls!

EIGHT Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
o8) Build my own home
o7) attend an NFL game
o6) visit Europe
o5) obtain my MBA
o4) see U2 in concert
o3) become a really good cook
o2) pay off my college loans!
o1) have my own family

SEVEN Ways to Win my Heart:
o7) Like who you are
o6) Like who I am
o5) Know what you want... and go for it
o4) Remember the little things...
o3) Watch Bachelorette with me
o2) Know who's #1 in your life...
o1) You'll have to figure the last one out!

SIX Things I Believe In:
o6) Jesus Christ's supremacy
o5) People really are good
o4) soulmates
o3) friends really do last forever
o2) joy
o1) M&M's melt in your mouth... not in your hand!

FIVE Things I'm Afraid Of:
o5) snakes! YIKES!
o4) Missing an opportunity to show Christ's love to others
o3) never leaving East Texas
o2) breast cancer
o1) losing my parents

FOUR of my Favorite Items in my Bedroom:
o4) my down comforter
o3) my cool mosquito netting mesh thing...
o2) my desk!
o1) my newly organized closet (Thanks potcake!)

THREE Things I Do Everyday:
o3) drink coffee
o2) think about my work
o1) check my e-mail

TWO Things I'm Trying Not to do Right Now:
o2) think about the weekend's events
o1) shiver! It's cold in my house right now!

ONE Person I Want to See Right Now
o1) oh gosh. This is a hard one... I'd rather not say...

Four Letter Words

Yeah, I know what four letter words you were thinking about. No- I'm not talking about that kind! Shame on you! Although, I do have a strong aversion to those four letter words; I'm thinking of other four letter words which are unrelated but often grouped together this time of year. As I twisted the ring on my left hand that has these three words inscribed I started thinking. (Note: that's usually when it gets a little scary!)

I knew what the phrase meant ? but what did the words meant?

So, LeNerdo Beth got out her dictionary. I am part of a generation that has a difficult time with these words individually - not to mention the phrase. It's tough to have all three plates spinning.

True- Wow!I have a hard time being true. I'd like to think that it's because I "don't want to hurt anyone's feelings", but in reality I'm just protecting myself from the hurt I might feel if I'm truthfully true.

true: truthful, real, genuine, faithful (as to a friend), to vow as to a cause; loyal.

Love- :cue laughing: Examples of love are few in this carnal world. The definition of love is best shown in Christ's death for us. We humans attempt to show love in our families and friendships - but it always seems to fall short somehow.

love: a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed [willing] to make a pair

Wait- Are you KIDDING ME? Wait on what? I have a microwave, the internet and a cell phone. I can't remember the last time I had to wait. Actually - I did have to wait a meager 7.5 minutes at the bank today because the elderly lady in front of me had a question about her checking account. I was all upset because the one time I needed to actually enter the bank (and ::gasp:: interact with a real live bank teller!) I had to wait! Imagine that! I don't know how to wait! I hate to drive anywhere further than Houston, TX because I'll have to wait to get there!

wait: to remain or rest in expectation, to remain temporarily neglected or to postpone

So - as I climb down from my soapbox please realize that I'm not trying to say I've conquered these issues. By no means! I just want to encourage you to renew your commitment not only in the typical abstinence based "True Love Waits" way that we traditionally think of, but also in the true-love-waits-before-throwing-a-big-hissy-fit-because-things-aren't-going-
my-way sense as well. 'Cause doesn't love make the world go 'round? It sure makes
the boy at Bodacious a lot easier on the eyes when he's not making my Mel-Man quick enough*!

*this is a disclaimer. I am in no way attracted [love] to the boy over at Bodacious. I was just trying to lighten up my post with a little humor. Geez... folks. I'll get married one day. I wouldn't complain if it was to Mr. Bodacious either! He'd come home smelling soooo scrumptious! But... that's another post on another day. Geez... folks. Always thinking I'm all about the men! Sheesh!

stop....look... and listen

It's really a simple concept. Most of us learned it when we were little and were learning to cross the street.... or in my case, the oil top road. It became different when I went to college. The phrase is also used in Marketing when one is determining the next course of action. Then, our country went to war with Iraq and the "Stop, Look & Listen" catch phrase became a staple of organizations encouraging "Peace in the Middle East". But... it means even more after today.

Wanna know something else? (Keep in mind that I have FIVE DAYS worth of blogs stored up in my little noggin!) I really am against the rat race. I'm so tired of being busy. I cannot tell you how nice it is to just sit here and type. In fact, it's a bit idyllic. People are so busy. Do we ever really STOP, LOOK and LISTEN to each other? I don't. I think if we did, we'd be shocked. To really stop though, you must do just that. STOP. Not slow down. I'm talking a slam-on-the-brakes-quit-cold-turkey S-T-O-P. When you're about to rear end some one, do you casually place your foot over the brake pedal and then just apply pressure? Heck no! You slam on those brakes because you and I know that we are not above looking like idiots to keep our insurance premiums down. Stopping is best done without thinking about it. In the words of NIKE- Just Do It.

I did that IT tonight. I STOPPED. And guess what? I'm still okay. I was driving home from work and saw a lady standing on the side of the road. Without even thinking... I literally stopped in the middle of the road and turned my flashers on. (The stopping I was ranting about earlier was theoretical, but the event is a great tie-in) I didn't even know what she needed. So I opened my passenger door and asked her to get in. She said that she had just gotten into a fight with her boyfriend and he had put her out on the side of the road. Now-- it's about 37 degrees and misting rain. She tells me where she needs to go and I head that direction. I ask her a few questions and start to tell her about the Lord. I stopped thinking about what she would think about me and more importantly--- if I was going to be the next Megan Holdenand just listened to her. We had maybe 5 minutes together, but I can't place a dollar value on the feeling that I got from stopping. I began to think about the people I dealt with today. I was able to STOP and spend time with a mom who really wanted to share some things with me.

I would go so far as to say that it's biblical to STOP. Yep, quit all the worrying about whether or not the house is clean or all my other "important" stuff had been done... and just S-T-O-P in the name of L-O-V-E.

I like people....

(the title is better heard than read.... especially if Jessi Hardy Scherm is saying it!)

So... I was listening to my way-old school Jagged Little Pill CD and realized how sensitized I am. It happened earlier today, too, when Brad and I were leaving MSC. But back to Alanis. I usually only hear her stuff on the radio - which is the edited version. Can you imagine my disdain when I re-remembered (I'll explain that in a second...) that there are swear words on her CD! GASP!

When I was leaving MSC today - smoke was in the air and Brad and I immediately looked at each other and said, "Ewwww.....what's that?"

We're not used to smelling good 'ol Marlboro cigarette smoke. Once again, I was just taken aback. Then I realized that I'm a sissy. How am I ever going to make it in the real world if some smoke and a few curse words cause me to scrunch my face? I've got to get tough.

On to other, more fascinating topics. It's funny how much you take with you. When I say that - I'm talking about relationships that have ended or grown stagnant. Regardless of the terms that it ended on, you'll always have a piece of that person with you. Remember-- I'm not talking about just boyfriend/girlfriend stuff either. Yes, most of the nuances are from significant others. But not always. For example: I have this friend. I can't eat tater tots without thinking about her. It's hysterical. I'll probably always think about her everytime I eat tater tots. Now-- I know this sounds rediculous, but think of this in the opposite sense. Who might eat tater tots and be reminded of ME? Weird, huh?

Oh, right-- thanks for reminding me. I was supposed to tell you what "re-remembered" meant. It's when you remember something you'd previously forgotten and remembered. In essence, you'd forgotten it before and not learned your lesson the first time, which was to remember it the second time around. Sounds like and answer to one of my old professor's (Roller, anyone?) Intro to Management tests.

I don't wanna grow up....

So.... who's the PSYCHO that invented MLK Blvd???? Here I am- just driving up to the church and decide to take a little short cut (that's where the MLK Blvd comes in) and the next thing I know... I'm petrified a la The Village.

I promise you, it was like I was in a TOTALLY DIFFERENT COUNTRY. Now, don't go making this about race (I'm talking to you VANESSA!). It has nothing to do with that. But, it totally has something to do with the fact that I live in a completely URBAN area that should have paved roads. And employed citizens, but that's another story.

So, to give you the start to finish run down (in case you want to personally experience the joy ride): I leave work (good 'ol LETU) and head east on Birdsong. Now, last time I checked Eastman and MLK were parallel... and in theory they are, to a point. I arrive at the Cotton/MLK intersection and instead of going east like a NORMAL person would do I think to myself,

"Hum.... the street sign says 'MLK' so I guess it keeps going..."

It's not like I had time to waste so I'm not quite sure why I thought I could be adventuresome. That kind of thing is reserved for trips with Laura. Anyway, I go straight... and whaddya know? Hello scaryness. I'm talking gimme-a-read-suit-and-put-me-on-the-Walker-Reserve scary. So, I was late to the church... but alive. Glory Be to Jesus.

Oh, yeah I almost forgot. Not only was I in a time crunch because of my detour and subsequent re-navigation, but MLK has THREE school zones. Yeah baby. How d'ya like me now? HUH? Bring some more 'o that 20 MPH spirit. So, for future reference MLK if off limits!

If you're in the market...

I am worth $1,856,370.00 on HumanForSale.com

Here's what I'm worth!

Clarity is such a splendid thing...

There are many who seek knowledge for the sake of knowledge: that is curiosity.

There are others who desire to know in order that they themselves be known: that is vanity.

But there are those who seek knowledge in order to teach and edify others: that is love.
-St. Bernard of Clairvaux

I choose...

Courage is not something you are given or are gifted with.

Courage is something you choose, much like love.

The decision to make yourself move when you are totally frozen by fear is painfully difficult and the response of your body is often incredibly slow, however, at that moment that you choose to move, you have chosen courage over fear. At the time it seems like a miniscule detail in a dire situation that is rapidly spiraling out of control, but looking back you can see the moment of courage shining bright. If you are examining a memory and see that courage, it is one of the most reassuring and inspirational realizations in your life.

I am at a new LOW...

"I will chew him up like a piece of garbage!"

"I will fight for her heart, every single day, for the rest of my life."

"When they fry chicken and put it in a bucket, you know, and you pull it out - that's how HOT you are."

"Have you ever been on a tin roof in Arkansas in July? That's how HOT you are."

THESE ARE REAL QUOTES from The Bachelorette! I can't believe that I succumbed to the madness that America calls "entertainment". To make things worse.... meaning- like I didn't feel like a dumb, silly girl enough-- my roommate received SEVENTEEN magazine in the mail today. It was SO hilarious! I haven't read SEVENTEEN since I was, well, seventeen.

BUT- before all of the Bachelorette/Seventeen drama I was returning a missing man purse to a not-so-missing man and was doing what most automobile operators do: listening to the radio! A somber advertisement comes on encouraging families to PLAN FOR A TERRORIST ATTACK. That's right kids, no more of this buy-a-ladder-for-every-second-story-bedroom-window, no have-a-shiny-sticker-on-every-kids-bedroom-window or the have-a-meeting-place-if-there's-a fire.... NOPE! PLAN FOR A TERRORIST ATTACK, KIDS!

OH WAIT.... BREAKING NEWS! (I'm watching the 10 o'clock news as I write this....) Carnie Wilson was in town today! IN LONGVIEW, TEXAS!

So.... break free, break free from the chains!

THE BEST OF Chronicles starts TODAY!

With the new year now well behind me and and an un-updated Xanga/Blog that is absolutely unbearable.... I decided to just start another series instead of updating you on my oh-so-on-the edge-of-my-seat life. The series Best Of's are limited to 25 nominees each. So here goes nothing! Feel free to contribute your own. Yes, I realize the likes of Barry White, Harry Connick, Santana, Three Dog Night and 38 Special aren't on this list.


ALL TIME GREATEST ALBUMS
*Now, I must put a disclaimer here. You would be mystified if I didn't. To be worthy of the honor of All Time Greatest Album an album must be great as a whole. That means the ENTIRE album. Not one bad song allowed, no not one. It also can't be a compilation album. Compilation albums, theoretically, are the best of, right? Also, no self titled albums. All that means is that it took all the writer's creative juices to write & compose the songs and there wasn't any "creative energy" left to title the album with and, in my opinion - it should subsequently be discredited as an ATGA. So... no self titled albums. These are listed in no specific order. Also, if you have any chance of ever scoring with a girl - you own 90% of these albums. They are staples of any resemblance of a collection.

1. Daydream - Mariah Carey
2. The Beautiful Letdown - Switchfoot
3. Soul Gravy - Cross Canadian Ragweed
4. Brushfire Fairytales - Jack Johnson
5. Be Here - Keith Urban
6. Jagged Little Pill - Alanis Morissette
7. Friction, Baby - Better Than Ezra
8. Now in a Minute - Donna Lewis
9. Breathless - Kenny G
10. Evolution - Boyz II Men
11. Jars of Clay - Jars of Clay
12. I Wanna Be There - Blessed Union of Souls
13. Licensed to Ill - Beastie Boys
14. Love Always - KC & JoJo (not the girl JoJo... another one)
15. I Belong to You - ROME
16. The Joshua Tree - U2
17. Hotel California - The Eagles
18. At Last - Etta James
19. Rocks - Aerosmith
20. Ghost in the Machine - The Police
21. My Private Nation - Train
22. A Rush of Blood to the Head - Coldplay
23. Any Given Thursday - John Mayer
24. Come Away With Me - Norah Jones
25. Live Songs & Stories - David Wilcox