ain't no sunshine...

well. it's officially crazy. I am officially crazy. Let me just tell you how much I hate cancer. I hated it before. I was involved in Relay for Life. I gave to the American Cancer Society on a regular basis. In fact, it was the only organization that I gave to regularly.

Now, I'm glad. Cancer is horrible. It's an awful thing that steals people's lives. I hate it. I thought that there wasn't anything that could hurt any worse than a broken relationship. That's the most hurt that I had ever felt. That pain is infinitesimal in comparison to having cancer strike one's family. It the most awful, painful, incomprehensible thing to ever exist. Once again I will say-- I hate it.

Amidst all this, extremely good things happen. I went running today and it began to rain. I was far from home too. I am having a hard time adjusting my workout schedule and I even feel selfish when I leave the house, but I need the time to myself. Driving to and from work in the car doesn't count because my cell phone still exists there! :sigh: that thing will be the death of me yet.

Anyway, to run in the rain was like God giving me a bath. When you're a little kid a your mom bathes you it's just fun! That's how it felt today.

You know what else- I have awesome friends. My friend Mike just walked up to me today and said, "Beth, you are so beautiful." I was shocked! He said it to me last week and I made a reference to it, but I want to just thank Mike for being so encouraging. The even cooler thing is that he's like that with everyone! Mike then went on to tell me that I was going to make some man so very happy and whoever "got me" was one lucky guy. That shocked me even more! Thank you, Mike. You'll never be able to comprehend how much that meant.

And the third and final good thing of Tuesday was that Bryan called. Actually is wasn't that he called... it was when he called. I had left my parents house and was headed to work. I was on the verge of tears, but was afraid if I started crying I wouldn't be able to see the road. My cell phone rings and it's his custom ringtone. I begin bawling. He just said that he was thinking about me and wanted to call and check on me. I cried and he listened. I kept crying and he just let me cry while he spoke words of encouragement.

In lieu of WYWYWBM-#3 I want to thank all the people who have concerned themselves with me in some form or fashion. I never get sick of answering, "How's your Mom?" "Is your Mom ok?" I know they all care! Crazy, huh? So, if you've read this far tack your name on to the list of Emmy & Shawn, Brad, Katherine, Vanessa, Laura, Dre, Megan, Bryan, Mike...

B	Boisterous
E	Elitist
T	Technological
H	Hot

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

SaturDate with the Mother

So, shopping always makes things better right?

I thought so too. Let me just tell you! Mom and I go and pick out her wig and it's fun, but to add some brightness to our seemingly endless days of "cancer chores" we decide to hit up our favorite thrift stores. If you know my mom--- you know she LOVES thrift stores. For that matter, so do I. You can find some really awesome deals.

Plus... this time next week I'll be in the Bahamas and some "beach clothes" (aka things you'll only see me wear once and thus should not be paid full price for) were in order.

I've been wanting some white pants. But not in a FREAKIN SIZE 10!!! Yes, ladies-- I've joined the fleet of women who wear double digits on the lowers! I mean... I've always worn doubles on the top. I mean-- bras ALWAYS make you feel bad when they tell you you're a stinkin' 32!!! That sounds so HUGE!!!

I always consoled myself with the fact that I was a 6 or 8 or whatever. But NO!! Never again! I'm a 10!!! It's not even a mistake... like a little girl's size 10 or anything. It's for real!

*laugh while you can! I will NOT let this happen again*


WYWYWBM #2- I'm not afraid to purchase from a thrift store! Which COULD mean that I'm not a Harriet Margaret! (aka high maintenace)

"Reasons Why I Should Be Your Girlfriend"

Boy, I am exhausted. That's the only bad thing about my job--- exhaustion. Other than that-- we're cool. I am only writing tonight because if I don't, it'll break my blog routing and I'll never post again. Which means Brad and Kat and everyone else will harass me until I do. I do have a little tidbit for Brad though. Brad, you've inspired me with your "Things I Want in a Girlfriend" list. I've deciding to warp it to my suiting- and (here comes my Marketing degree in full force) make a "Reasons Why I Should Be Your Girlfriend" list.

Yes, I will be tooting my own horn. Kinda. Since I am not on the market we should entitle the list "Why You Wish You Were Beth's Man". Anyway. Brad-- this Bud's for you.

WYWYWBM #1- The baseball team thinks she's hot. Just ask Mike VanBrocklin and Dave Kennedy. (Doesn't every man want a woman that other guys think are H-O-T?)

How To Make A Bethie Lou

How to make a Bethie Lou

Ingredients: 1 part pride 5 parts silliness 5 parts joy

Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add lustfulness to taste! Do not overindulge!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Every Woman Should...

Every woman should...
know how to use a stick shift;
a plunger;
understand the difference between don’t tell a soul and don’t tell a soul I mean it; know her mind;
change it;
have protection handy;
but not too handy;
use special china;
and special underwear;
for no special reason;
over commit;
come through;
refuse to do it again;
do it again;
be able to discuss 1st and 10;
have better things to do;
set boundaries;
go camping;
grow something;
dance crazy all alone;
stare at the phone;
get dressed in 5 minutes;
be a princess;
get over it;
believe in the perfect man;
get over it;
read;
walk;
flirt;
shock;
listen;
sing;
thank God;
be single and like it;
a lot;
raise a child;
or not;
see a wrinkle and be reminded of her youth;
not her age.

The Return of KittyH

So... today couldn't have been more perfect. Until KittyH was mentioned. Let me just set the story up, k?

My friend 'Chelle came over and spent the night with me--- which was a total surprise to me! I went to work and got a lot done. Then, I headed to the gym as usual! Me & my thirds then headed to Laura's softball game and ate at Chicken Express afterwards. It was a perfect evening!! We go rent a few movies and officially declare Friday night as "Ladies Night" and head to the house to shower up and start the movies.

Things are so perfect I could just cry! Then Laura's friend calls to see if he can come so that she can stitch him up from a dirtbike crash and he proceeds to mention... :cue music: dum dum dummmmmmmmmmmmmm KittyH. Yeah. Great. I could have gone a lifetime without having to discuss that issue. I hate being caught off guard. I had totally let my guard down and had just started letting myself actually ENJOY myself and WHAM... he's baaaaaaacckkk!!

:sigh:
Why, Lord? Why can't I just be left to my own devices? Why can't you just make it all go away? Why do I have to be reminded of the past? Is it so I won't make the same mistake again? What are you calling me to? I really don't understand. It has been two years and I still don't understand. I wish that things would have never changed. But praise God that they did. I would have died in that situation--- if left long term.

It's funny how I'm writing about this now. I haven't thought about this stuff in so long. Ages it seems like... and in the past couple of weeks it has been so prominent in my thoughts.

I do know that -- even though I can't see it -- there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

my new mantra...

My new mantra...

life is more than money
time was never money
time was never cash,
life is still more than girls
life is more than hundred dollar bills
and oh the town fills
life more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
all the riches of the kings
and up in wills we got information in the information age
but do we know what life is
outside of our conveinent Lexus cages

*Switchfoot*
More

Well, folks-- I've officially re-entered Singledom for the second time in as many months. Let me just tell you that Thursday night was a "come to Jesus night". I'll spare you the details-- but it involved sushi, incessant phone calls from (& to) Bryan and lots of ginger ale.

I guess it goes without saying that I probably won't eat sushi for a while. But that DANG Longview roll was soooooooooooooooooooooo good. Seriously, it was awesome. The girls and I have been playing Scrabble every night and nothing has ever made me feel more stupid. Seriously- it's a downer. I guess I better get back to work. More "philosophical" thoughts later.

So yesterday ended at 4 AM and began again promptly at 8 AM. I really can't explain the feelings of the past 24 hours. Yesterday evening was chaos. Bryan did something really sweet though. He fixed dinner and brought me flowers. What more can a girl aske for, huh? Things are just complicated though. Will it ever be a "normal" relationship where we feel totally comfortable with each other? I assume it will, but I'm just not sure. I'm ok with the not sure thing though. I just look at Taber & Adam and wonder what the deal is. How'd they find each other? How'd they know it was "for real"?

I'm always reading other people's blogs and it totally cramps my style 'cause I feel the need to be totally philosophical in my bloggie.

For posterity's sake... I have had SEVERAL philosophical thoughts this past week. As I was sitting on the tarmac at O'Hare I was confronted with the fact that life throws you curves. But... as a Rountree assume to expect an unusual amount. But, more curves mean more blessings in the long run.

I also realize how young and stupid I am. I mean... does it ever get better. Will there ever be a day when I will always say the "right" things, wear the "right" outfit, and just do the "right" thing in general?

Also- will I ever know what I really want? It changes every stinkin day and I can't tolerate my own fickleness for much longer.

Ok.. here's really what you want to know...
Bryan is coming up this weekend for Lauren's wedding. I'm excited--- but in all honesty I'm too tired to really care or become ecstatic. We are both so busy right now. I wonder if this relationship will ever be successful. He has his law firm stuff and I'm always on the road. I swear-- our cell bill is going to be outrageous this month. I guess that's why you date an attorney though? ;-)


I spilled coffee on myself this morning, which really wasn't that unordinary until I thought "How often do I really spill stuff on myself?". Never. It's one of those weird things about growing up. You quit falling down and you quit spilling stuff on yourself. I mean, when I was a kid I'd come home from school with stuff all down the front of my shirt. I know my Mom was about to kill me--- and now that I think about it I wonder how it all got there. Everyday I come in contact with tons of stuff: pen ink, coffee, Dr Pepper, food-- and most of the time none of it ever makes contact with my clothing. Yes... folks, Beth is officially WEIRD. But, hopefully you already knew that.

I am soooooooooooooo tired. My flight home from my conference was held up in Chicago and I didn't get home until 2 AM when I was supposed to be home at 6:30 PM. I laugh when I look at myself and think that I'm a grown up. I mean--- I just came home from a CONFERENCE! A business trip!! I use those words in everyday conversation and I just crack myself up. I am responsible for money and people's lives and stuff. All while I feel like the 16 year old that just kissed David Hughes. Ahh... those were the olden days. (Notice that I didn't say golden)

It's funny how when I type things just come up. This may sound awful, but I'd practically forgotten about David. Sheesh. That's awful. He was in my life for 5 years. I haven't done it on purpose or anything. Don't mistake the casual attitude for carelessness. It's just that the "me" that was then is soooo not me. I can't really say that the "me" I am right now is "me" either.... but still. I am so much not who I was then. I can honestly say that I'm better. (Don't mistake that for being better than him... I'm not. I'm not any better than the next guy).

I'm a better believer. A better listener. A better friend. A better woman. Gosh-- truly refinement by fire is an awesome thing God does to His children. It's so awesome to be on the other side and say, "God, who am I to be CHOSEN to be refined for Your glory and goodness?" I think that's why he does those things. I would have never chosen it for myself.

Would Bryan have chosen divorce? No, but he's better for it. Would my family have chosen cancer for my Mom? No. What about the awful separation we're going through? Never. But we rest assured that on the other side we will be the better for it. And not for us, but for HIM.

WORDS WOMEN USE
******************************
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint! Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"