the Have and Have Nots

I watched an episode of one of my all time favorite shows last night and it started me thinking. The whole show was making a semi-serious joke of the "smug marrieds vs. sad singles" war that rages unbeknown to everyone except those engaging in direct combat.

But - what ends up happening is this: someonw always ends up feeling like less of a person because of his/her relatioship status. This presents a completely different problem: Why, as human beings, do we feel the need to create a caste system within everything we do?

It's not good enough to merely have a Jaguar, husband, baby, or pair of Manolos... we have to let everyone who doesn't have a Jaguar, husband, baby, or pair of Manolos know that we do. In our heads, we create our own version Maslo's Hierarchy of Needs and begin to subject everyone else to our standards.

Can I tell you something? I don't want your husband - or one of my own for that matter, or your baby or Jaguar or Manolo's. They pinch my toes.

Lottie Moon is the reason for the season!

I ventured out of my usual nightclub-esque Sunday morning stomping ground and headed to an establishment that the upper echelon of society frequents. In short, I went to a different church this Sunday. The first thing I noticed when I pulled in the parking lot was, "Man, these folks drive nice cars!" I was parked between two gargantuous SUV's. A man in a golf car came by and asked me if I'd like a chaffuered ride to the sanctuary doors - I opted out because I didn't have any cash on me and was afraid that he'd expect a tip.

But - these are my roots! This is what I'm good at! This is where I'm from!

As I approached the throne...ahem, I mean...the sanctuary doors I was greeted by a harem of old men in grey suits. At first, I was thinking that an Ensure tasting was being held in the lobby but then I remembered! these are the guys that hand out the bulletins! Ah... yes... it's all coming back to me now. ::cue Celine Dion:: There were nights when the wind was so cold, that my body just froze.....

Oh wait - that's not a "church song". Whoops. Right - so I clomp down the cold, slate aisle (how the hell have these people not heard about heated floors?!?!? I later thought as the services ended and I couldn't feel my feet) and slid in beside a young guy, not much older than myself. He cast a disdainful glance my direction. I'm not sure if it was because I was wearing pants in a Baptist church on a Sunday morning or because I wasn't carrying a New King James Version.

As the service progressed (my original intent was just to go hear some Christmas hymns) I realized I was going to get so much more...

Today was the annual Lottie Moon Christmas sermon. Basically, the pastor waxes and wanes over how the only reason any one will ever get to heaven is because the Southern Baptist Convention exists. Blah blah blah. At lunch afterward, a friend asked if I found anything particularly offensive. I thought long and hard. Nope - it was the same song and dance I've heard on Christmas' past. Suddenly - he presented the idea that all missionaries aren't Baptist missionaries. I began laughing as I told him that until I was 20 years old I didn't know this. SERIOUSLY. Until I was in college at LeTourneau University I hadn't ever heard of MAF, JAARS, Wycliffe Bible Translators to name a few. For all I knew, if you decided to become a career missionairy you were Baptist. And for that matter - for all I knew, the Lord only spoke to Baptists. So for all you Methodists, good luck.

"to whom much is given"... I thought as I signed a check for $47.00 - the total for a haircut on my lunchbreak

"to whom much is given"... I thought as I popped into Jack's for a sandwich to go and slid $4.71 across the counter

"to whom much is given"... I thought as I haphazardly traded a swiped debit card for $30.00 in fuel


"much is required"... as I watched, unnoticed, a student at my University count quarters to purchase gas

"much is required"... as I watched a family, so proud of their son, brother, husband - live his dream (their future)

"much is required"... as I watched you - hurt and cry and mourn and carry a burden so disproportionate

'Tis the gift...

'Tis the gift to be simple,
'tis the gift to be free,
'tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
It will be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed.
To turn, turn will be our delight,
'Til by turning, turning we come round right

'Tis the gift to be loved and that love to return,
'Tis the gift to be taught and a richer gift to learn,
And when we expect of others what we try to live each day,
Then we'll all live together and we'll all learn to say,

'Tis the gift to have friends and a true friend to be,
'Tis the gift to think of others not to only think of "me",
And when we hear what others really think and really feel,
Then we'll all live together with a love that is real.

not a Dr.Pepper in sight...

So I'm hanging out in LA for a few days and everything here is perfect. Perfect weather. Perfect lawns, people, homes, dogs. Perfectly clean freeways. Perfect stores. Did I mention the perfect people? They are all infinitely beautiful and perfectly coiffed, manicured, and dressed. One thing isn't perfect: there's no STINKIN DR. PEPPER to be found.

DQ Something Different

I just want to say, Thank you DQ!

All of those other fast food chains are succombing to peer pressure and adding healthy choices to their menu - but no! you're staying true to who you are and what fast food is all about by continuing to offer us fat laden choices new and old.

You give us the Chili Meltdown GrillBurger™

It'll Make A Man Out of You!
A guy doesn't have use for napkins with the burgers from the "other burger guys" but the new Chili Meltdown GrillBurger™ from DQ® could change things.

Get yours today in 1/2 lb. or 1/4 lb. sizes; the Chili Meltdown GrillBurger™ is topped with chili, cheese and onion and is served on a freshly toasted bun.

http://www.dairyqueen.com/en-US/Menus+and+Nutrition/Menu/default.htm

Check out this menu, folks! You've got your choice of - count'em - TWO SALADS! That's what I'm talkin about!

Lessons Learned...

So - I made a mistake today. I know this is shocking. I seem to have a knack for perfection. I hope I haven't let any of you down. I really don't know how it all started. I'm as disappointed with myself as you all are with me. I feel like a little kid who was told not to touch the hot oven and went ahead anyway knowing well what was in store - pain and suffering.

I did that today. Cruising around on the internet looking for a site to buy my facewash, (which is a completely dramatic story in and of itself. Let me just say - it involved a visit to the US Government's patent website.) I decided to pop on over to TheKnot.(Yes, I just tempted you with a hyperlink!) I KNEW deep within my innermost being that this was baaaaaaaaaaaaad. I've yet to have a visit to theKnot that was a pleasant one. Inevitably, I linger just a little to long and end up looking up exboyfriends, girls I hated in high school, and my waitress from Cheddar's the night before who was sporting a rock larger than anyone of her social position should be waiving around. She works in FREAKING food service!! I bust my ass everyday at an 8-5, I put myself through college, yet I don't see any hot, blue collared professionals knocking down my door. But I digress.

True to form, I tell myself that I'll just look up this ONE FRIEND's registry (forget the fact that I could just visit target.com and dillards.com like he told me too) and then get right on with business. I won't monkey around at all. No siree. Just on and off. Yeah. Right. I have NO self control (The size of my thighs only confirms that).

So I log on. Twee deedle dee. Hmm... there's the search box. Type in Mr. Groomsman's name. Cha-ching! They're got a webpage! They didn't tell me that! Okay - I'll just take a little look-see and then I'll get off. Oh wait! There's a guest book! I wonder who all has signed it?....

AND THEN - (this is where I've pinpointed the downward spiral begins) I have the thought, "What about my friend who my other friend told me was getting married? I wonder if she's on here?"

This isn't a big deal, right? I just care about my friend that my other friend told me about. Suuuuuuuure. So I do what I think is one, last little search. She has a webpage! Money! And a guestbook! Money! And my exboyfriends current, witchy GF has signed the guest book! What if she's marrying my exBoyF who I've yet to really get over? Search exBoyF's names. Search exBoyF's GF's name. And the madness begins. Run to kitchen. Open Diet Coke to ease the pain.

That, my friend, is a lesson learned. Finally.

You Are 26 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?