well, my friend Brian says that he has been reading my blog. That's funny because no one was supposed to know about my blog. It was supposed to be my very public [yet secret] diary. So... humm.... what's new in the world? God is so good. I can say that right this second because I've just "dried it up" as my Dad would say. Yeah, bawling my eyes out isn't uncommon these days. I really really really really....really to the infinite power.... hate what is going on in my life. I do. It's sickening to me. I don't know why I think I'm supposed to be exempt from pain- but for some reason I tend to think I'm priviledged.

So, yeah-- my counselor/psychologist whatever you want to call him is making, well I say making-- but he recommended that David and I get everything straight. Argh. I really don't want to, but I already knew I needed to before my c/p brought it up. So, yeah I broke down and talked to David and then.... after we parted way THANK GOD I lost it. I mean, really really lost it. I'm ok now, but it emotionally exhausts me. I miss him so much! Our realtionship wasn't perfect, but man--- I really really loved him. And still do love him. I am fighting the temptation to place him on a pedestal.

So, life goes on nonetheless. Right? I've got "good" things scheduled! A BBQ at my friend John Michael's and a hair cut on Monday! Woohoo! I'm excited! Not really. I just want this to pass. "This too shall pass" right? And like I said, it's all about me! LOL! That's a joke! Well, I'm off for now.