I am a professional question answerer. It is what I have become expert at doing. My online mentor, Penelope Trunk, says being an expert is what is best for one's career - so I have set out to be expert about answering a certain type of question. Never mind what I am answering questions about - I am an expert when it comes to answering a particular genre of questions.

One particular question that has been asked of me often is, "don't you just love being married?" Which really seems, to me at least, to be more of a statement than a question but that's neither here nor there. The issue is twofold really. First, it is a really dumb question. And I am a subscriber to the school of thought that teaches 'there is no such thing as a dumb question'. But this, this is a really dumb question. You must be wondering what exactly is the criteria for a dumb question? So glad you asked!

dumb question: v a question that one asks out of politeness (or general nosiness) that one really doesn't want the real answer to OR a question with an obvious answer

Now I realize that certain aspects of our culture almost require us to ask these types of questions ("How is your day?" "Have a good weekend?") of those that we maintain polite relationships with: faux-workers, dry cleaners, bike messenger, etc.

Second, the question itself is just downright obnoxious. I am not post-wedded-pausal. I am just a girl who feels that being married isn't going to rank in the top ten of my life achievements. I expected more of my female counterparts. I really, really thought they would come through in the end and see that a change in domestic arrangements or last name (in my case just the former) didn't mean that my whole purpose in life would shift drastically to mean living exclusively for one person.

I can hear all you scrambling for your nail techs therapists number (don't we all know those are the people with real drama in their lives) to txt me upon pealing yourselves off the floor, but ladies, I am having a hard time finding girls out there who can distinguish the difference between being married and being up your husband's ass.

Harsh huh?

I realize that I tend to be a little on the abrasive side of things (it's genetic, what can I say!) and to their anonymous credit I have two married friends who haven't once asked me "what it's like" (DUH! they already know, right?) but to the rest of you - shame.

I am not passionate about many things, but this thought of being only of half worth until married is just un-American (how do you like that? patriotism and marriage all on Olympics weekend!).