It's really a simple concept. Most of us learned it when we were little and were learning to cross the street.... or in my case, the oil top road. It became different when I went to college. The phrase is also used in Marketing when one is determining the next course of action. Then, our country went to war with Iraq and the "Stop, Look & Listen" catch phrase became a staple of organizations encouraging "Peace in the Middle East". But... it means even more after today.
Wanna know something else? (Keep in mind that I have FIVE DAYS worth of blogs stored up in my little noggin!) I really am against the rat race. I'm so tired of being busy. I cannot tell you how nice it is to just sit here and type. In fact, it's a bit idyllic. People are so busy. Do we ever really STOP, LOOK and LISTEN to each other? I don't. I think if we did, we'd be shocked. To really stop though, you must do just that. STOP. Not slow down. I'm talking a slam-on-the-brakes-quit-cold-turkey S-T-O-P. When you're about to rear end some one, do you casually place your foot over the brake pedal and then just apply pressure? Heck no! You slam on those brakes because you and I know that we are not above looking like idiots to keep our insurance premiums down. Stopping is best done without thinking about it. In the words of NIKE- Just Do It.
I did that IT tonight. I STOPPED. And guess what? I'm still okay. I was driving home from work and saw a lady standing on the side of the road. Without even thinking... I literally stopped in the middle of the road and turned my flashers on. (The stopping I was ranting about earlier was theoretical, but the event is a great tie-in) I didn't even know what she needed. So I opened my passenger door and asked her to get in. She said that she had just gotten into a fight with her boyfriend and he had put her out on the side of the road. Now-- it's about 37 degrees and misting rain. She tells me where she needs to go and I head that direction. I ask her a few questions and start to tell her about the Lord. I stopped thinking about what she would think about me and more importantly--- if I was going to be the next Megan Holdenand just listened to her. We had maybe 5 minutes together, but I can't place a dollar value on the feeling that I got from stopping. I began to think about the people I dealt with today. I was able to STOP and spend time with a mom who really wanted to share some things with me.
I would go so far as to say that it's biblical to STOP. Yep, quit all the worrying about whether or not the house is clean or all my other "important" stuff had been done... and just S-T-O-P in the name of L-O-V-E.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
I like people....
(the title is better heard than read.... especially if Jessi Hardy Scherm is saying it!)
So... I was listening to my way-old school Jagged Little Pill CD and realized how sensitized I am. It happened earlier today, too, when Brad and I were leaving MSC. But back to Alanis. I usually only hear her stuff on the radio - which is the edited version. Can you imagine my disdain when I re-remembered (I'll explain that in a second...) that there are swear words on her CD! GASP!
When I was leaving MSC today - smoke was in the air and Brad and I immediately looked at each other and said, "Ewwww.....what's that?"
We're not used to smelling good 'ol Marlboro cigarette smoke. Once again, I was just taken aback. Then I realized that I'm a sissy. How am I ever going to make it in the real world if some smoke and a few curse words cause me to scrunch my face? I've got to get tough.
On to other, more fascinating topics. It's funny how much you take with you. When I say that - I'm talking about relationships that have ended or grown stagnant. Regardless of the terms that it ended on, you'll always have a piece of that person with you. Remember-- I'm not talking about just boyfriend/girlfriend stuff either. Yes, most of the nuances are from significant others. But not always. For example: I have this friend. I can't eat tater tots without thinking about her. It's hysterical. I'll probably always think about her everytime I eat tater tots. Now-- I know this sounds rediculous, but think of this in the opposite sense. Who might eat tater tots and be reminded of ME? Weird, huh?
Oh, right-- thanks for reminding me. I was supposed to tell you what "re-remembered" meant. It's when you remember something you'd previously forgotten and remembered. In essence, you'd forgotten it before and not learned your lesson the first time, which was to remember it the second time around. Sounds like and answer to one of my old professor's (Roller, anyone?) Intro to Management tests.
So... I was listening to my way-old school Jagged Little Pill CD and realized how sensitized I am. It happened earlier today, too, when Brad and I were leaving MSC. But back to Alanis. I usually only hear her stuff on the radio - which is the edited version. Can you imagine my disdain when I re-remembered (I'll explain that in a second...) that there are swear words on her CD! GASP!
When I was leaving MSC today - smoke was in the air and Brad and I immediately looked at each other and said, "Ewwww.....what's that?"
We're not used to smelling good 'ol Marlboro cigarette smoke. Once again, I was just taken aback. Then I realized that I'm a sissy. How am I ever going to make it in the real world if some smoke and a few curse words cause me to scrunch my face? I've got to get tough.
On to other, more fascinating topics. It's funny how much you take with you. When I say that - I'm talking about relationships that have ended or grown stagnant. Regardless of the terms that it ended on, you'll always have a piece of that person with you. Remember-- I'm not talking about just boyfriend/girlfriend stuff either. Yes, most of the nuances are from significant others. But not always. For example: I have this friend. I can't eat tater tots without thinking about her. It's hysterical. I'll probably always think about her everytime I eat tater tots. Now-- I know this sounds rediculous, but think of this in the opposite sense. Who might eat tater tots and be reminded of ME? Weird, huh?
Oh, right-- thanks for reminding me. I was supposed to tell you what "re-remembered" meant. It's when you remember something you'd previously forgotten and remembered. In essence, you'd forgotten it before and not learned your lesson the first time, which was to remember it the second time around. Sounds like and answer to one of my old professor's (Roller, anyone?) Intro to Management tests.
Monday, January 24, 2005
I don't wanna grow up....
So.... who's the PSYCHO that invented MLK Blvd???? Here I am- just driving up to the church and decide to take a little short cut (that's where the MLK Blvd comes in) and the next thing I know... I'm petrified a la The Village.
I promise you, it was like I was in a TOTALLY DIFFERENT COUNTRY. Now, don't go making this about race (I'm talking to you VANESSA!). It has nothing to do with that. But, it totally has something to do with the fact that I live in a completely URBAN area that should have paved roads. And employed citizens, but that's another story.
So, to give you the start to finish run down (in case you want to personally experience the joy ride): I leave work (good 'ol LETU) and head east on Birdsong. Now, last time I checked Eastman and MLK were parallel... and in theory they are, to a point. I arrive at the Cotton/MLK intersection and instead of going east like a NORMAL person would do I think to myself,
"Hum.... the street sign says 'MLK' so I guess it keeps going..."
It's not like I had time to waste so I'm not quite sure why I thought I could be adventuresome. That kind of thing is reserved for trips with Laura. Anyway, I go straight... and whaddya know? Hello scaryness. I'm talking gimme-a-read-suit-and-put-me-on-the-Walker-Reserve scary. So, I was late to the church... but alive. Glory Be to Jesus.
Oh, yeah I almost forgot. Not only was I in a time crunch because of my detour and subsequent re-navigation, but MLK has THREE school zones. Yeah baby. How d'ya like me now? HUH? Bring some more 'o that 20 MPH spirit. So, for future reference MLK if off limits!
I promise you, it was like I was in a TOTALLY DIFFERENT COUNTRY. Now, don't go making this about race (I'm talking to you VANESSA!). It has nothing to do with that. But, it totally has something to do with the fact that I live in a completely URBAN area that should have paved roads. And employed citizens, but that's another story.
So, to give you the start to finish run down (in case you want to personally experience the joy ride): I leave work (good 'ol LETU) and head east on Birdsong. Now, last time I checked Eastman and MLK were parallel... and in theory they are, to a point. I arrive at the Cotton/MLK intersection and instead of going east like a NORMAL person would do I think to myself,
"Hum.... the street sign says 'MLK' so I guess it keeps going..."
It's not like I had time to waste so I'm not quite sure why I thought I could be adventuresome. That kind of thing is reserved for trips with Laura. Anyway, I go straight... and whaddya know? Hello scaryness. I'm talking gimme-a-read-suit-and-put-me-on-the-Walker-Reserve scary. So, I was late to the church... but alive. Glory Be to Jesus.
Oh, yeah I almost forgot. Not only was I in a time crunch because of my detour and subsequent re-navigation, but MLK has THREE school zones. Yeah baby. How d'ya like me now? HUH? Bring some more 'o that 20 MPH spirit. So, for future reference MLK if off limits!
Friday, January 21, 2005
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Clarity is such a splendid thing...
There are many who seek knowledge for the sake of knowledge: that is curiosity.
There are others who desire to know in order that they themselves be known: that is vanity.
But there are those who seek knowledge in order to teach and edify others: that is love.
-St. Bernard of Clairvaux
There are others who desire to know in order that they themselves be known: that is vanity.
But there are those who seek knowledge in order to teach and edify others: that is love.
-St. Bernard of Clairvaux
Friday, January 14, 2005
I choose...
Courage is not something you are given or are gifted with.
Courage is something you choose, much like love.
The decision to make yourself move when you are totally frozen by fear is painfully difficult and the response of your body is often incredibly slow, however, at that moment that you choose to move, you have chosen courage over fear. At the time it seems like a miniscule detail in a dire situation that is rapidly spiraling out of control, but looking back you can see the moment of courage shining bright. If you are examining a memory and see that courage, it is one of the most reassuring and inspirational realizations in your life.
Courage is something you choose, much like love.
The decision to make yourself move when you are totally frozen by fear is painfully difficult and the response of your body is often incredibly slow, however, at that moment that you choose to move, you have chosen courage over fear. At the time it seems like a miniscule detail in a dire situation that is rapidly spiraling out of control, but looking back you can see the moment of courage shining bright. If you are examining a memory and see that courage, it is one of the most reassuring and inspirational realizations in your life.
Monday, January 10, 2005
I am at a new LOW...
"I will chew him up like a piece of garbage!"
"I will fight for her heart, every single day, for the rest of my life."
"When they fry chicken and put it in a bucket, you know, and you pull it out - that's how HOT you are."
"Have you ever been on a tin roof in Arkansas in July? That's how HOT you are."
THESE ARE REAL QUOTES from The Bachelorette! I can't believe that I succumbed to the madness that America calls "entertainment". To make things worse.... meaning- like I didn't feel like a dumb, silly girl enough-- my roommate received SEVENTEEN magazine in the mail today. It was SO hilarious! I haven't read SEVENTEEN since I was, well, seventeen.
BUT- before all of the Bachelorette/Seventeen drama I was returning a missing man purse to a not-so-missing man and was doing what most automobile operators do: listening to the radio! A somber advertisement comes on encouraging families to PLAN FOR A TERRORIST ATTACK. That's right kids, no more of this buy-a-ladder-for-every-second-story-bedroom-window, no have-a-shiny-sticker-on-every-kids-bedroom-window or the have-a-meeting-place-if-there's-a fire.... NOPE! PLAN FOR A TERRORIST ATTACK, KIDS!
OH WAIT.... BREAKING NEWS! (I'm watching the 10 o'clock news as I write this....) Carnie Wilson was in town today! IN LONGVIEW, TEXAS!
So.... break free, break free from the chains!
"I will fight for her heart, every single day, for the rest of my life."
"When they fry chicken and put it in a bucket, you know, and you pull it out - that's how HOT you are."
"Have you ever been on a tin roof in Arkansas in July? That's how HOT you are."
THESE ARE REAL QUOTES from The Bachelorette! I can't believe that I succumbed to the madness that America calls "entertainment". To make things worse.... meaning- like I didn't feel like a dumb, silly girl enough-- my roommate received SEVENTEEN magazine in the mail today. It was SO hilarious! I haven't read SEVENTEEN since I was, well, seventeen.
BUT- before all of the Bachelorette/Seventeen drama I was returning a missing man purse to a not-so-missing man and was doing what most automobile operators do: listening to the radio! A somber advertisement comes on encouraging families to PLAN FOR A TERRORIST ATTACK. That's right kids, no more of this buy-a-ladder-for-every-second-story-bedroom-window, no have-a-shiny-sticker-on-every-kids-bedroom-window or the have-a-meeting-place-if-there's-a fire.... NOPE! PLAN FOR A TERRORIST ATTACK, KIDS!
OH WAIT.... BREAKING NEWS! (I'm watching the 10 o'clock news as I write this....) Carnie Wilson was in town today! IN LONGVIEW, TEXAS!
So.... break free, break free from the chains!
Saturday, January 08, 2005
THE BEST OF Chronicles starts TODAY!
With the new year now well behind me and and an un-updated Xanga/Blog that is absolutely unbearable.... I decided to just start another series instead of updating you on my oh-so-on-the edge-of-my-seat life. The series Best Of's are limited to 25 nominees each. So here goes nothing! Feel free to contribute your own. Yes, I realize the likes of Barry White, Harry Connick, Santana, Three Dog Night and 38 Special aren't on this list.
ALL TIME GREATEST ALBUMS
*Now, I must put a disclaimer here. You would be mystified if I didn't. To be worthy of the honor of All Time Greatest Album an album must be great as a whole. That means the ENTIRE album. Not one bad song allowed, no not one. It also can't be a compilation album. Compilation albums, theoretically, are the best of, right? Also, no self titled albums. All that means is that it took all the writer's creative juices to write & compose the songs and there wasn't any "creative energy" left to title the album with and, in my opinion - it should subsequently be discredited as an ATGA. So... no self titled albums. These are listed in no specific order. Also, if you have any chance of ever scoring with a girl - you own 90% of these albums. They are staples of any resemblance of a collection.
ALL TIME GREATEST ALBUMS
*Now, I must put a disclaimer here. You would be mystified if I didn't. To be worthy of the honor of All Time Greatest Album an album must be great as a whole. That means the ENTIRE album. Not one bad song allowed, no not one. It also can't be a compilation album. Compilation albums, theoretically, are the best of, right? Also, no self titled albums. All that means is that it took all the writer's creative juices to write & compose the songs and there wasn't any "creative energy" left to title the album with and, in my opinion - it should subsequently be discredited as an ATGA. So... no self titled albums. These are listed in no specific order. Also, if you have any chance of ever scoring with a girl - you own 90% of these albums. They are staples of any resemblance of a collection.
- Daydream - Mariah Carey
- The Beautiful Letdown - Switchfoot
- Soul Gravy - Cross Canadian Ragweed
- Brushfire Fairytales - Jack Johnson
- Be Here - Keith Urban
- Jagged Little Pill - Alanis Morissette
- Friction, Baby - Better Than Ezra
- Now in a Minute - Donna Lewis
- Breathless - Kenny G
- Evolution - Boyz II Men
- Jars of Clay - Jars of Clay
- I Wanna Be There - Blessed Union of Souls
- Licensed to Ill - Beastie Boys
- Love Always - KC & JoJo (not the girl JoJo... another one)
- I Belong to You - ROME
- The Joshua Tree - U2
- Hotel California - The Eagles
- At Last - Etta James
- Rocks - Aerosmith
- Ghost in the Machine - The Police
- My Private Nation - Train
- A Rush of Blood to the Head - Coldplay
- Any Given Thursday - John Mayer
- Come Away With Me - Norah Jones
- Live Songs & Stories - David Wilcox
Friday, December 31, 2004
Hot Chocolate Kisses and Summertime Wishes
As I sit here at my laptop and think over the past week- I laugh! Today it's 70 degrees and I'm dressed in summertime sttire (hence the summertime wishes title). Just last week though... it was FREEZING!! Just ask gettin'flossy!
Here are some post-birthday/Christmas notable events:
-an ostrich loose on Redmon Road (yes!! The ghetto has live ostriches!!)
-BUNKO!
-Pat Green& Billy Bob's!
-Rockin' New Year @ The House of Redmon
-lots of movies...
-even more Scrabble (I finally beat Laura for the first time in 23 years!!)
Here are some post-birthday/Christmas notable events:
-an ostrich loose on Redmon Road (yes!! The ghetto has live ostriches!!)
-BUNKO!
-Pat Green& Billy Bob's!
-Rockin' New Year @ The House of Redmon
-lots of movies...
-even more Scrabble (I finally beat Laura for the first time in 23 years!!)
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Some Things Never Change...
I was operating the microwave last night and I realized that somethings WILL NEVER change regardless of where you live or how old you get:
-I still don't cover my plate with a paper towel when I heat things up in the microwave! (That's for you, Mom!)
-I still use a new towel EVERY TIME I take a shower. (Which is really silly... and since I do my own laundry, you'd think I would've caught on by now...)
-I still forget to crank my car and let it warm up on really cold mornings. (I did remember this morning though!)
-I still forget to set out the chicken to defrost before I leave for work in the mornings.
-I still can't remember to take Rx's. (Yes, Mom-- I've tried doing it when I take my contacts out just like you said... but it STILL doesn't work!)
-I still "shop for FIVE" at the grocery store...
-I still won't drink the last bit of milk in the jug--- cause Dad might get mad if he doesn't have enough for his GrapeNuts! (Actually, now it's so Dre will have enough milk for her Special K)
-I still don't cover my plate with a paper towel when I heat things up in the microwave! (That's for you, Mom!)
-I still use a new towel EVERY TIME I take a shower. (Which is really silly... and since I do my own laundry, you'd think I would've caught on by now...)
-I still forget to crank my car and let it warm up on really cold mornings. (I did remember this morning though!)
-I still forget to set out the chicken to defrost before I leave for work in the mornings.
-I still can't remember to take Rx's. (Yes, Mom-- I've tried doing it when I take my contacts out just like you said... but it STILL doesn't work!)
-I still "shop for FIVE" at the grocery store...
-I still won't drink the last bit of milk in the jug--- cause Dad might get mad if he doesn't have enough for his GrapeNuts! (Actually, now it's so Dre will have enough milk for her Special K)
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
1 Corinthians 13-Christmas Style
If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another cook.
If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.
If I trim the tree with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir's cantata, but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return, but rejoices in giving to those who can't.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust. But giving the gift of love will endure.
"He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed." (Proverbs 11:25)
If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another cook.
If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.
If I trim the tree with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir's cantata, but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return, but rejoices in giving to those who can't.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust. But giving the gift of love will endure.
"He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed." (Proverbs 11:25)
Monday, December 13, 2004
How to Know Who to Marry
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the
chips and dip coming.-Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who
you're stuck with.-Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then.-Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
married.-Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on Whether they seem to be yelling at
the same kids.-Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.-Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long
enough.-Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date. --Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
--Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.-Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess
with that.-Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.-Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never
going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
--Theodore, age 8
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.-Anita, age 9
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
--Kelvin, age 8
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a
truck.-Ricky, age 10
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the
chips and dip coming.-Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who
you're stuck with.-Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then.-Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
married.-Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on Whether they seem to be yelling at
the same kids.-Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.-Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long
enough.-Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date. --Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
--Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.-Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess
with that.-Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.-Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never
going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
--Theodore, age 8
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.-Anita, age 9
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
--Kelvin, age 8
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a
truck.-Ricky, age 10
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
It's a bittersweet symphony.... that's life
So things are just right-o crazy at this barn party. Speaking of barns.... and parties.... I realized that I am the last of a dying breed. Farm raised and grain fed. Well, not so much grain fed... but very much farm raised.
Here are ten ways to know that you've celebrated a holiday in East Texas:
1) Your Thanksgiving celebration consists of the traditonal FRIED turkey (courtesy of the deep fryer now positioned in the driveway) and football --- PLUS target practice in the backyard afterwards. With GUNS!
2) Gettin' up at 4 AM on Christmas morning-- not to open presents, but TO GET IN THE DEER STAND
3) Fightin' with your brother in the duck blind (on Christmas Eve!!) over the propane heater and hand warmers
4) a good 'ol fashioned Christmas parade: all the cheerleaders riding on the town's firetruck, and all the club sweethearts in sequined dresses (in 30 degree weather mind you) and MY BROTHER as Mr. DECA Club!!
5) going to the mini-mart (if you don't know what that is... get therapy!) for a Coke 'cause it's the only thing open!
6) Running into everyone (in Wal-Mart of course!) and answering the whole "how's your Mom?" "who are you dating?" thing.
7) Knowing what the parade emcee is talking about when he says, "It's like trying to herd a bunch of cats!"
8) The HUGE Christmas cards in everyone's yard! (that's for Vanessa 'cause there isn't Christmas culture in Cali!)
9) Scheduling "Rekop" around the Christmas holidays.
10) Flat top Christmas trees. Actually... just totally redneck, deranged Christmas trees make it worth it!
Here are ten ways to know that you've celebrated a holiday in East Texas:
1) Your Thanksgiving celebration consists of the traditonal FRIED turkey (courtesy of the deep fryer now positioned in the driveway) and football --- PLUS target practice in the backyard afterwards. With GUNS!
2) Gettin' up at 4 AM on Christmas morning-- not to open presents, but TO GET IN THE DEER STAND
3) Fightin' with your brother in the duck blind (on Christmas Eve!!) over the propane heater and hand warmers
4) a good 'ol fashioned Christmas parade: all the cheerleaders riding on the town's firetruck, and all the club sweethearts in sequined dresses (in 30 degree weather mind you) and MY BROTHER as Mr. DECA Club!!
5) going to the mini-mart (if you don't know what that is... get therapy!) for a Coke 'cause it's the only thing open!
6) Running into everyone (in Wal-Mart of course!) and answering the whole "how's your Mom?" "who are you dating?" thing.
7) Knowing what the parade emcee is talking about when he says, "It's like trying to herd a bunch of cats!"
8) The HUGE Christmas cards in everyone's yard! (that's for Vanessa 'cause there isn't Christmas culture in Cali!)
9) Scheduling "Rekop" around the Christmas holidays.
10) Flat top Christmas trees. Actually... just totally redneck, deranged Christmas trees make it worth it!
Saturday, November 20, 2004
The Texas Country Reporter
Since I'm back to writing about "normal" stuff I've got a lot of catching up to do! Contrary to previous blogging - I think about more than "just boys"... actually... who am I kidding?? No, seriously - I really don't.
SO... my work takes me away from home and I'm not to fond of leaving the Lone Star State on to often of an occasion, but duty does call. My expertise on all things admissionsly should be shared with those (Yankees) who most need lessons in manners (opening doors for ladies) and speech/grammar (Hi Ya'll! You wanna go get a Coke?).
Right, so when I'm away from home I miss it, right? It's always funny how when I'm gone I'll see something or talk to someone that will remind me of home and provide me with the encouragement to "keep on keepin' on" as my Mom would say. I know this is streching you guys a bit... but just work with me, okay?
BOB PHILLIPS IS H-O-T-T! On my latest trip I was flipping channels and WHEW! a sight for sore eyes did I see! It was Bob Phillips the Texas Country Reporter. Now - most of you can't appreciate Bob Phillips and what he has done for the world. Most important was the fact that Bob taught me to tell time. Every Sunday evening Bob would be on and I knew that when Texas Country Reporter came on it was time to get ready for church (this was back in the olden days when EVERYONE had church on Sunday night). I could start getting ready and as long I was ready by the time TCR was over I was in good shape. Second, though was how TOTALLY COOL Texas Country Reporter was! Man - when I started watching it - I wanted to cry (I think that's because I was tired though) because Bob sees how really awesome Texas is. No one in Washington DC could ever understand that save Dubya himself. Bob would always go and search out these neat festivals (The Annual Heritage Syrup Fesitval sound familiar???) or showcase state artisans. So, THANK YOU Bob Phillips and Texas Country Reporter. May your show be long running and may you someday be picked up by a network.
SO... my work takes me away from home and I'm not to fond of leaving the Lone Star State on to often of an occasion, but duty does call. My expertise on all things admissionsly should be shared with those (Yankees) who most need lessons in manners (opening doors for ladies) and speech/grammar (Hi Ya'll! You wanna go get a Coke?).
Right, so when I'm away from home I miss it, right? It's always funny how when I'm gone I'll see something or talk to someone that will remind me of home and provide me with the encouragement to "keep on keepin' on" as my Mom would say. I know this is streching you guys a bit... but just work with me, okay?
BOB PHILLIPS IS H-O-T-T! On my latest trip I was flipping channels and WHEW! a sight for sore eyes did I see! It was Bob Phillips the Texas Country Reporter. Now - most of you can't appreciate Bob Phillips and what he has done for the world. Most important was the fact that Bob taught me to tell time. Every Sunday evening Bob would be on and I knew that when Texas Country Reporter came on it was time to get ready for church (this was back in the olden days when EVERYONE had church on Sunday night). I could start getting ready and as long I was ready by the time TCR was over I was in good shape. Second, though was how TOTALLY COOL Texas Country Reporter was! Man - when I started watching it - I wanted to cry (I think that's because I was tired though) because Bob sees how really awesome Texas is. No one in Washington DC could ever understand that save Dubya himself. Bob would always go and search out these neat festivals (The Annual Heritage Syrup Fesitval sound familiar???) or showcase state artisans. So, THANK YOU Bob Phillips and Texas Country Reporter. May your show be long running and may you someday be picked up by a network.
Friday, November 19, 2004
Chronicles of Boyfriendia-Numero Seite
::sigh:: Every good thing must come to an end and so I'm opting to end on the perfect number: 7
This does not imply, however, that said Boyfriend was Mr. Perfect. So, here's my last and most favorite Chronicle. You've enjoyed more than just a chronicle of "boyfriends", but a chronicle of firsts (first kiss, first boy that made me really cry, first heartbreak) and of my adolescence.
David
Where to start. If you know me, you probably know David. Or knew David. (*snicker* -here's props to my sister for forever hating every boy who ever broke my heart. She ALWAYS takes my side, no matter what. *props* to Brother for scrutinizing every male who ever dared to put his arm around me in church! I LOVE YOU TWO!!)
David was my nemesis. In the 1st grade he proceeded to yank my ponytail with such gusto that on more that one occasion my bow popped out. And I had a famous ponytail-- so he was messing with a legend at the age of six. Daring of him, if I do say so myself.
Our paths crossed sporadically for the next several years. We both interviewed at the same prestigious private school. He opted to attend... I didn't. Our sisters were the same age and so were our brothers, so we knew who each other were. He transferred back to the local high school where my then best friend was and they were in the same Study Hall class. We met because she decided that he was "perfect" for me. She said that he had the "perfect mix of city and country, Beth. He's exactly what you need. He'll totally relax you! And he has a truck! Beth, you've always wanted a guy with a cool truck."
So...without my permission she gave him my number. The next thing I know, we're at a Friday Night Football Game (in East Texas an event like that is capitalized). He invites me to the afterparty-- calls my parents to double check AND offers to drive me home.
From then on we were inseparable. As for what happened from then until now... well, that's history. Everyone has a first love. Since you fine folks have enjoyed the juicy details of every other "first" in my adolescent years... it was only fair to share my first love as well.
I'm sure you're thinking all types of things:
This does not imply, however, that said Boyfriend was Mr. Perfect. So, here's my last and most favorite Chronicle. You've enjoyed more than just a chronicle of "boyfriends", but a chronicle of firsts (first kiss, first boy that made me really cry, first heartbreak) and of my adolescence.
David
Where to start. If you know me, you probably know David. Or knew David. (*snicker* -here's props to my sister for forever hating every boy who ever broke my heart. She ALWAYS takes my side, no matter what. *props* to Brother for scrutinizing every male who ever dared to put his arm around me in church! I LOVE YOU TWO!!)
David was my nemesis. In the 1st grade he proceeded to yank my ponytail with such gusto that on more that one occasion my bow popped out. And I had a famous ponytail-- so he was messing with a legend at the age of six. Daring of him, if I do say so myself.
Our paths crossed sporadically for the next several years. We both interviewed at the same prestigious private school. He opted to attend... I didn't. Our sisters were the same age and so were our brothers, so we knew who each other were. He transferred back to the local high school where my then best friend was and they were in the same Study Hall class. We met because she decided that he was "perfect" for me. She said that he had the "perfect mix of city and country, Beth. He's exactly what you need. He'll totally relax you! And he has a truck! Beth, you've always wanted a guy with a cool truck."
So...without my permission she gave him my number. The next thing I know, we're at a Friday Night Football Game (in East Texas an event like that is capitalized). He invites me to the afterparty-- calls my parents to double check AND offers to drive me home.
From then on we were inseparable. As for what happened from then until now... well, that's history. Everyone has a first love. Since you fine folks have enjoyed the juicy details of every other "first" in my adolescent years... it was only fair to share my first love as well.
I'm sure you're thinking all types of things:
"Why aren't you two together? You loved him right?"
"Will you always love him?"
"Hey, Beth, since you mention it-- what did happen to that guy?"
My reply is this: 'tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I love "first loves". Something about the naivete and the youth and the all-mixed-up-ness of it just makes me love it! For awhile I thought I was the only one in my circumstance - but I've come to discover that I'm not. Just go to a beauty shop and sit and listen and you'll know what I mean.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Chronicles of Boyfriendia-The Ones That Never Were
This entry is for the the guys who never attained boyfriend status... but deserve props! These guys gave me most of my material! So, they will remain unnamed lest they come and try to claim the profits from my million dollar book deal. (I'm convinced that I'm the next Bridget Jones minus the alcohol, cursing and cigarettes.)
Mr. Unattainable
-- the guy I TOTALLY crushed on in Junior High. Everyone has one. I never thought I'd ever actually go out with him!! But... the same girl who was involved with COB #7 set me up with Micah Pettit last summer. WOW! It was so funny to actually catch up with him. *shhhh-- I never let him in on the secret that he was my Junior high crush, didn't want it to go to his head*
Micah also introduced me to Jack Johnson. (I know Laura is thankful for that!)
The Lawyer/City Boy
...he was a Democrat. And divorced. But he drove a truck! I know I sound terribly shallow, but it's just a cover for my vulnerability. He had a knack for catching me when I was about to freak out because of my mom. I have this "never let 'em see you cry" rule... and since I couldn't see him... I could cry and not feel guilty. I'm forever indebted...
My First Old Man/Mercy Date
I think every girl goes out on one of two types of dates in her lifetime: An Old Man or A Mercy Date. Mine just happened to be combined into one. Lucky me. ::said while rolling my eyes:: This dude was, like, 32 years old!!! He was the first divorcee that I went on a date with. Sicko. He tried to kiss me and it was just awful!! I gave him the cold cheek and politely avoided his day-after-follow-up-call. I'm sooo glad that's over!
The Man Who Drove A Car
This guy would've never have ever gotten the time of day because "must drive a truck" is the first, most important item on Beth's To-Be-Or-Not-To-Be Boyfriend Checklist. But... recently it has come under attack from reconnaissance forces, so it's being re-evaluated. Anyway - he drove a car (a very nice one I must admit). He also was "artsy". ::gasp:: Probably the most opposite person (in comparison to myself) that I could have ever gone on a date with.
Mr. Rebound
I saw it from a mile away... and did it anyway! I don't know what I was thinking!! He was incredibly cute... it was winter... I was really uncomfortable with my new singleness...
Mr. Unattainable
-- the guy I TOTALLY crushed on in Junior High. Everyone has one. I never thought I'd ever actually go out with him!! But... the same girl who was involved with COB #7 set me up with Micah Pettit last summer. WOW! It was so funny to actually catch up with him. *shhhh-- I never let him in on the secret that he was my Junior high crush, didn't want it to go to his head*
Micah also introduced me to Jack Johnson. (I know Laura is thankful for that!)
The Lawyer/City Boy
...he was a Democrat. And divorced. But he drove a truck! I know I sound terribly shallow, but it's just a cover for my vulnerability. He had a knack for catching me when I was about to freak out because of my mom. I have this "never let 'em see you cry" rule... and since I couldn't see him... I could cry and not feel guilty. I'm forever indebted...
My First Old Man/Mercy Date
I think every girl goes out on one of two types of dates in her lifetime: An Old Man or A Mercy Date. Mine just happened to be combined into one. Lucky me. ::said while rolling my eyes:: This dude was, like, 32 years old!!! He was the first divorcee that I went on a date with. Sicko. He tried to kiss me and it was just awful!! I gave him the cold cheek and politely avoided his day-after-follow-up-call. I'm sooo glad that's over!
The Man Who Drove A Car
This guy would've never have ever gotten the time of day because "must drive a truck" is the first, most important item on Beth's To-Be-Or-Not-To-Be Boyfriend Checklist. But... recently it has come under attack from reconnaissance forces, so it's being re-evaluated. Anyway - he drove a car (a very nice one I must admit). He also was "artsy". ::gasp:: Probably the most opposite person (in comparison to myself) that I could have ever gone on a date with.
Mr. Rebound
I saw it from a mile away... and did it anyway! I don't know what I was thinking!! He was incredibly cute... it was winter... I was really uncomfortable with my new singleness...
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Chronicles of Boyfriendia-Numero Seis
Ah! The masses have missed me. I never thought self esteem was an issue until I bought into blogging for the masses. Friends, Romans, Countrymen-- I hope that you are enjoying not just the chronicles... but my candor as well!
Ken
He was a football player. He had a pool in his backyard and it was summertime. How hard is that to decide upon??? DUH! Ken also takes the award for "First Boy to REALLY Make Me Cry". Ken was a Methodist. That really has nothing to do with all of this... but it's another interesting fact about him for you to enjoy. Ken was really cool, despite the Methodist upbringing. He caught me one time when I fell off roof because I was trying to be cool and hide the flag in the game Capture the Flag. *it seemed like a good idea at the time* He also was the first boy to send me flowers. Ah...
BUT...he also made me really cry. It was awful. I still don't think that I really, really liked him-- but no one warns you about rejection. It hurts like hell. Ken decided that he didn't get to see me enough (he was in public school... I was homeschooled) and so rather than see me on weekends, he'd just rather not see me at all. I think that's when I was first introduced to men and their bullsh*t. Sorry for the crassness, but that's exactly what they do-- lies=crass=dirty words. A little formula for the mathematically inclined. So... back to my story. When he calls me to tell me this my feelings are hurt.
Now, my mom has this nasty habit of walking. She says it is for her physical health-- and I don't doubt that-- but it's really to get away from us crazy kids.
She's on a walk when all of this happens and so I tear off down the oil top road to find her so she can come home and tell him how wrong all of this is. I don't start crying until I see her. Then--- the waterworks begin. Sobbing. A hysterical, unintelligible explanation of my behavior flows from my lips.
And then she does an awful thing-- she says, "It'll be okay."
WHAT?? OKAY?? My life is over. The only Methodist football player I know has dumped me. Dumped me! I thought I was the best little monkey ever. (One last side note: my Mom tells the three of us that we are the best little monkeys she knows and every mom thinks her little monkeys are the best and that's why she doesn't think anybody else's monkeys are any good. And that's why I'll think my little monkeys are the best little monkeys...)
I explain to her that I am doomed. Cursed. The public school kids will never, ever talk to me again. And again, "It'll be okay."
Guess what? It was okay. We actually went out several times when I was 19 or 20. Who did he call when he needed a HOT who's-that-with-Ken date to Homecoming? Me. Yep. Being homeschooled had it's benefits. You were an Untouchable with out even trying. Everyone knew who you were and thought you were brilliant without you even opening your mouth ('cause when I opened my mouth the Southern drawl dropped my IQ by about 75 points). Best political move a girl could ever have made.
Good times, good times. He's married now. Another funny thing is that we made a pact to marry each other if neither one of us was married by the time we were 27. So... I'm currently taking resumes for the position of Man B. (I'm taking apps for Man A too, but that's another story.)
I'll end with a quote from Luanne Clatterback in Shag: The Movie
Ken
He was a football player. He had a pool in his backyard and it was summertime. How hard is that to decide upon??? DUH! Ken also takes the award for "First Boy to REALLY Make Me Cry". Ken was a Methodist. That really has nothing to do with all of this... but it's another interesting fact about him for you to enjoy. Ken was really cool, despite the Methodist upbringing. He caught me one time when I fell off roof because I was trying to be cool and hide the flag in the game Capture the Flag. *it seemed like a good idea at the time* He also was the first boy to send me flowers. Ah...
BUT...he also made me really cry. It was awful. I still don't think that I really, really liked him-- but no one warns you about rejection. It hurts like hell. Ken decided that he didn't get to see me enough (he was in public school... I was homeschooled) and so rather than see me on weekends, he'd just rather not see me at all. I think that's when I was first introduced to men and their bullsh*t. Sorry for the crassness, but that's exactly what they do-- lies=crass=dirty words. A little formula for the mathematically inclined. So... back to my story. When he calls me to tell me this my feelings are hurt.
Now, my mom has this nasty habit of walking. She says it is for her physical health-- and I don't doubt that-- but it's really to get away from us crazy kids.
She's on a walk when all of this happens and so I tear off down the oil top road to find her so she can come home and tell him how wrong all of this is. I don't start crying until I see her. Then--- the waterworks begin. Sobbing. A hysterical, unintelligible explanation of my behavior flows from my lips.
And then she does an awful thing-- she says, "It'll be okay."
WHAT?? OKAY?? My life is over. The only Methodist football player I know has dumped me. Dumped me! I thought I was the best little monkey ever. (One last side note: my Mom tells the three of us that we are the best little monkeys she knows and every mom thinks her little monkeys are the best and that's why she doesn't think anybody else's monkeys are any good. And that's why I'll think my little monkeys are the best little monkeys...)
I explain to her that I am doomed. Cursed. The public school kids will never, ever talk to me again. And again, "It'll be okay."
Guess what? It was okay. We actually went out several times when I was 19 or 20. Who did he call when he needed a HOT who's-that-with-Ken date to Homecoming? Me. Yep. Being homeschooled had it's benefits. You were an Untouchable with out even trying. Everyone knew who you were and thought you were brilliant without you even opening your mouth ('cause when I opened my mouth the Southern drawl dropped my IQ by about 75 points). Best political move a girl could ever have made.
Good times, good times. He's married now. Another funny thing is that we made a pact to marry each other if neither one of us was married by the time we were 27. So... I'm currently taking resumes for the position of Man B. (I'm taking apps for Man A too, but that's another story.)
I'll end with a quote from Luanne Clatterback in Shag: The Movie
"I do not believe in practicing free love!"
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Chronicles of Boyfriendia-Numero Cinco (Prelude to a Kiss)
"Made me sick to my stomach to be honest. To make matters worse, I started thinking that I'll probably have to endure a first kiss in the future (not necessarily the near...) and that made me even more nauseous. It's funny how my mind runs away without me."
I copied this quote out of an e-mail that a friend and I had been writing back and forth. At some point the Chronicles will end-- but not before the First Kiss Edition makes it's debut. To understand the event you must have the history.
*Prelude to a Kiss*
I was a child who, unlike Vanessa, wasn't afraid of boys-- they just simply didn't have much to offer me. Plus, they smelled (badly). I hate smelly people. And when they attempted to smell good... well, that's a road trip worthy discussion only. So, I didn't kiss boys on the playground. Boys were business partners in my quest for world domination. Contrary to popular belief-- not all little girls are concerned with pigtails and Barbie dolls.
So... kissing wasn't a trite thing to me. Kissing was serious business. So, I knew eventually I'd have to go through the whole kissing bit with someone. Alan decided to be that someone, much to my chagrin.
It's the classic high school set-up. ::cue sappy Barbara Streisand music::
Alan was a senior and I was his oh-so-hot freshman girlfriend. Alan drove a black Dodge, played on the golf team and let me wear his letterman jacket. Plus-- I was a H-O-T-T freshman. (If Shane can brag about his past sports achievement, surely I can boast about the fact that I was the hottest freshman in my class*!) Our church youth group sets off on a ski trip and EVERYONE on the trip finds out that I've been his girlfriend for 8 months and he hasn't kissed me. Why this was cause for concern... I dunno, but apparently you can't be cool in high school if you haven't been kissed by a boy.
The whole week he kept trying to sneak one on me. We built these ice tunnels... and he crawled behind me in them... I got away! Then, we were making snow angels and he peered over me with those googley eyes and I got up and skied away! But... on the way home from Colorado as I was sleeping peacefully... he layed one on me! HOW SICK IS THAT? I wasn't even awake to enjoy my first stinkin' kiss!!
Even though Alan was a lousy first kisser, he had redeeming qualities. He carried a pocket knife! He taught me to drive a stick and... he made my swing be----utiful! This too came to a bittersweet end, though.
Ladies-- when you think all is lost and there's no hope, think about how you probably didn't sleep through your first kiss and how Ms. Geri Halliwell so aptly described the role of liquid sunshine in the female world:
*homeschool ROCKS!
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Chronicles of Boyfriendia-Numero Cuatro
Folks – sit back and relax, because you are getting a TWO ‘FER DEAL today. Yes, a two-for-the-price-of-one boyfriendia story today. I know you’ve all been clamoring for an update (namely Jasien) so I’ll cut to the chase.
Chris & JM
Chris was my fourth grade boyfriend and he started the short man fetish. Well… fetish is a bit of a strong term, but nonetheless – my better judgment was lost and I proceeded to have a boyfriend who was ::GASP:: not as tall as I was. I look back in horror because I was entirely too young to be the possessor of an ID bracelet which Chris deemed necessary for me to wear. (Oh—the public school days of yore.) I should have realized right then and there that the short man identity crisis was in full swing.
Here’s my reasoning: short men (actually men who are shorter than the women they date) are… how shall I say? – driven. A bit more dominating than your run-of-the-mill “taller than the women they date” man. And so in my quest for world domination I decided that Chris – would be my ticket to running the UN. I could ride on his coattails to power – oh, wait, his coattails drag the ground! How about I just walk beside him, eh? And so off we went to conquer the fourth grade. I don’t really recall why and where the separation of superpowers occurred. Maybe it was because I supported free trade and he didn’t. I do recall that our first “big fight” was over North Vietnam and the DMZ. Craziness.
Anyway – apparently I didn’t get enough short man because… ten years later… another one comes along. At this point on the timeline I’m still seeking world domination, but I’ve scaled down the operation to just a few, select women in my posse: Condoleezza Rice, Carly Fiorina, Madeline Albright etc.
We’re seeking to diversify and so we decide that it’s probably best for me to go with not only short – but Latin. (Keep in mind that I am a very white sister. Most notable white trash mishap: taking a camo swimsuit to LA – and I don’t mean Lower Alabama) Off I go to conquer the world with my new, short and now PC Latin boyfriend. I’ve always gone for dark and handsome but this was a new low.
JM was fun – but the “diversify” technique didn’t exactly work. For starters – he didn’t even know Spanish. Then, there was the whole issue of us not exactly liking each other. Yes – loving one another with the love of the Lord is one thing – the will to like someone is another. As you can probably forecast – things went sour and south simultaneously.
Until next time, kids. Remember ladies – in the words of Counting Crows…
It’s all a lot of oysters, with no pearls.
Chris & JM
Chris was my fourth grade boyfriend and he started the short man fetish. Well… fetish is a bit of a strong term, but nonetheless – my better judgment was lost and I proceeded to have a boyfriend who was ::GASP:: not as tall as I was. I look back in horror because I was entirely too young to be the possessor of an ID bracelet which Chris deemed necessary for me to wear. (Oh—the public school days of yore.) I should have realized right then and there that the short man identity crisis was in full swing.
Here’s my reasoning: short men (actually men who are shorter than the women they date) are… how shall I say? – driven. A bit more dominating than your run-of-the-mill “taller than the women they date” man. And so in my quest for world domination I decided that Chris – would be my ticket to running the UN. I could ride on his coattails to power – oh, wait, his coattails drag the ground! How about I just walk beside him, eh? And so off we went to conquer the fourth grade. I don’t really recall why and where the separation of superpowers occurred. Maybe it was because I supported free trade and he didn’t. I do recall that our first “big fight” was over North Vietnam and the DMZ. Craziness.
Anyway – apparently I didn’t get enough short man because… ten years later… another one comes along. At this point on the timeline I’m still seeking world domination, but I’ve scaled down the operation to just a few, select women in my posse: Condoleezza Rice, Carly Fiorina, Madeline Albright etc.
We’re seeking to diversify and so we decide that it’s probably best for me to go with not only short – but Latin. (Keep in mind that I am a very white sister. Most notable white trash mishap: taking a camo swimsuit to LA – and I don’t mean Lower Alabama) Off I go to conquer the world with my new, short and now PC Latin boyfriend. I’ve always gone for dark and handsome but this was a new low.
JM was fun – but the “diversify” technique didn’t exactly work. For starters – he didn’t even know Spanish. Then, there was the whole issue of us not exactly liking each other. Yes – loving one another with the love of the Lord is one thing – the will to like someone is another. As you can probably forecast – things went sour and south simultaneously.
Until next time, kids. Remember ladies – in the words of Counting Crows…
It’s all a lot of oysters, with no pearls.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Chronicles of Boyfriendia-Numero Tres
ah... Wednesday. Wednesday's can never be bad days. Prepare yourself for the enthralling muses of a woman who is trying to quit Dr. Pepper. Not a good thing for the psyche - but an excellent thing for the hips. That was too much information for the free public...
Nathan
If you haven't noticed the "take over the world" pattern with my boyfriends - you should. Next in line is Nathan. His dad was undercover DEA. So, surely--- I thought--- this was my ticket to world domination. Not so much. But, he did let me wear his really cool Miami Dolphins jacket one day at school when it was cold out. We were in Ms. Christian's 4th grade class. The only significant thing about Nathan actually occurred not to long ago. God has a hysterical sense of humor and is great st putting me in my place. I had developed this idea over the past few years that I was *gasp* better than my public school peers. I had become a bit haughty, actually. I'm embarrassed to write this, as this is really supposed to be a funny post. Nonetheless-- I'll continue with my soul-baring.
So... I had this whole "I-graduated-from-a-prestigious-university-at-a-young-age-and-I've-lived-a-purer-than-you-lifestyle" mentality when it came to folks I had attended school with. Mostly because they had become barefoot and pregnant or in Nathan's case-- worked at Harley's Cut Rate.
I go into Harley's several months back to pick up *cooking sherry* and lo-- there stands Nathan. I recognize him immediately. I usually recognize people way before they ever recognize me, so I was going to try and play it off like I was no one in particular. :sigh: It doesn't work. He knows it me-- and inquires as to why I'm in his liquor store.
"Well, to buy liquor, of course!" I reply.
I'm thinking to myself, "Great! Of all places to run into someone... a liquor store. Great! JUST GREAT! What's that going to say about me... argh!!" Anyway- this post is going south really quickly, so I'll end it straitway.
The moral of this lesson kids is this: Never, ever think to highly of one's self. It's a recipe for disaster and embarrassment. Not necessarily in that order either.
Nathan
If you haven't noticed the "take over the world" pattern with my boyfriends - you should. Next in line is Nathan. His dad was undercover DEA. So, surely--- I thought--- this was my ticket to world domination. Not so much. But, he did let me wear his really cool Miami Dolphins jacket one day at school when it was cold out. We were in Ms. Christian's 4th grade class. The only significant thing about Nathan actually occurred not to long ago. God has a hysterical sense of humor and is great st putting me in my place. I had developed this idea over the past few years that I was *gasp* better than my public school peers. I had become a bit haughty, actually. I'm embarrassed to write this, as this is really supposed to be a funny post. Nonetheless-- I'll continue with my soul-baring.
So... I had this whole "I-graduated-from-a-prestigious-university-at-a-young-age-and-I've-lived-a-purer-than-you-lifestyle" mentality when it came to folks I had attended school with. Mostly because they had become barefoot and pregnant or in Nathan's case-- worked at Harley's Cut Rate.
I go into Harley's several months back to pick up *cooking sherry* and lo-- there stands Nathan. I recognize him immediately. I usually recognize people way before they ever recognize me, so I was going to try and play it off like I was no one in particular. :sigh: It doesn't work. He knows it me-- and inquires as to why I'm in his liquor store.
"Well, to buy liquor, of course!" I reply.
I'm thinking to myself, "Great! Of all places to run into someone... a liquor store. Great! JUST GREAT! What's that going to say about me... argh!!" Anyway- this post is going south really quickly, so I'll end it straitway.
The moral of this lesson kids is this: Never, ever think to highly of one's self. It's a recipe for disaster and embarrassment. Not necessarily in that order either.
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