Ken
He was a football player. He had a pool in his backyard and it was summertime. How hard is that to decide upon??? DUH! Ken also takes the award for "First Boy to REALLY Make Me Cry". Ken was a Methodist. That really has nothing to do with all of this... but it's another interesting fact about him for you to enjoy. Ken was really cool, despite the Methodist upbringing. He caught me one time when I fell off roof because I was trying to be cool and hide the flag in the game Capture the Flag. *it seemed like a good idea at the time* He also was the first boy to send me flowers. Ah...
BUT...he also made me really cry. It was awful. I still don't think that I really, really liked him-- but no one warns you about rejection. It hurts like hell. Ken decided that he didn't get to see me enough (he was in public school... I was homeschooled) and so rather than see me on weekends, he'd just rather not see me at all. I think that's when I was first introduced to men and their bullsh*t. Sorry for the crassness, but that's exactly what they do-- lies=crass=dirty words. A little formula for the mathematically inclined. So... back to my story. When he calls me to tell me this my feelings are hurt.
Now, my mom has this nasty habit of walking. She says it is for her physical health-- and I don't doubt that-- but it's really to get away from us crazy kids.
She's on a walk when all of this happens and so I tear off down the oil top road to find her so she can come home and tell him how wrong all of this is. I don't start crying until I see her. Then--- the waterworks begin. Sobbing. A hysterical, unintelligible explanation of my behavior flows from my lips.
And then she does an awful thing-- she says, "It'll be okay."
WHAT?? OKAY?? My life is over. The only Methodist football player I know has dumped me. Dumped me! I thought I was the best little monkey ever. (One last side note: my Mom tells the three of us that we are the best little monkeys she knows and every mom thinks her little monkeys are the best and that's why she doesn't think anybody else's monkeys are any good. And that's why I'll think my little monkeys are the best little monkeys...)
I explain to her that I am doomed. Cursed. The public school kids will never, ever talk to me again. And again, "It'll be okay."
Guess what? It was okay. We actually went out several times when I was 19 or 20. Who did he call when he needed a HOT who's-that-with-Ken date to Homecoming? Me. Yep. Being homeschooled had it's benefits. You were an Untouchable with out even trying. Everyone knew who you were and thought you were brilliant without you even opening your mouth ('cause when I opened my mouth the Southern drawl dropped my IQ by about 75 points). Best political move a girl could ever have made.
Good times, good times. He's married now. Another funny thing is that we made a pact to marry each other if neither one of us was married by the time we were 27. So... I'm currently taking resumes for the position of Man B. (I'm taking apps for Man A too, but that's another story.)
I'll end with a quote from Luanne Clatterback in Shag: The Movie
"I do not believe in practicing free love!"
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